Archive for April, 2009

A Beautiful Reunion

Stranger: a/s/l?
You: mom?
Stranger: son?
You: MOM?!
Stranger: SON!!!!!!
Stranger: so, wanna cyber?

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Rating: 7.0/10 (4 votes cast)

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Swine Flu Strikes Again!

You: Im staring at a big red button that says DONT PUSH
You: ….Im conflicted
Stranger: mmm
Stranger: well
Stranger: i think that…
Stranger: you must push that button
You: I pushed it….
Stranger: so..?
You: awwwwww great. Now I have swine flu.
Stranger: oh man
You: You better keep away, you might get infected through omegle.
Stranger: im mexican dude
You: oh, nevermind then, youre screwed anyway.

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Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast)

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Not Rly Womanz

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: i r womanz, give me sexes
Stranger: I LOVE GIRLS FROM FINLAND
You: kk me r womanz from finland
Stranger: really?
You: ya!
Stranger: so.. its my lucky day
You: yessum
You: i has beard 2!
Stranger: hmmmm
Stranger: do u live in helsinki?
You: if you want!
Stranger: hahahhahahahahahahha
You: uh-oh =(
You: just found out i is not rly womanz. need towels, bye
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Buckets

Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: wanne camsex?
You: i came
Stranger: come again
You: i came
Stranger: come again
You: i came
Stranger: go die
You: i came
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast)

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Trapped in the Internets

Stranger: Hi
You: hello?
You: where the hell am i?
Stranger: lost
You: uh, i was out drinking with my buddies
Stranger: haha
You: and somehow ended up inside of an internet chat
You: talk about a bad night
You: and now i dont know how to get out of here
Stranger: you could have worse
You: ive been talking to strangers the whole morning, and most of them ask me for cybersex
Stranger: people online are weird
You: wait… i think i know how to get out
You: hmm
You: what does this button do?
You have disconnected.

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Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)

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Good Day

Stranger: Woo!
You: Greetings and salutations!
Stranger: Why, thank you, kind stranger!
You: You are quite welcome, friendly stranger.
Stranger: Yes.
You: May I ask the region from which you hail?
Stranger: The formal state of Colorado in the US of A.
You: Most excelent
Stranger: Most specifically in the city and county of Denver.
You: I myself write to you from the City of Corvallis, located within Linn/Benton county in the State of Oregon
You: United States of America
Stranger: I see quite clearly.
Stranger: How goes it in Oregon?
You: It goes quite well
You: We have actually had some pretty nice weather lately
You: It’s been most enjoyable
Stranger: Great happiness!
You: How are things in Colorado?
Stranger: Not bad.
Stranger: The weather was lovely today, but we got over a foot of snow this weekend’s past.
Stranger: It’s all melted now, but it was a bit dreary while it lasted.
You: I can see how that may be so
Stranger: Yes, quite.
You: Other than conversing with psuedo-random individuals on this series of electronic tubes, what occupation do you pursue?
Stranger: I am in the process of creating a proposal of a company logo in the Adobe Illustrator program.
You: Impressive
Stranger: (Obviously I’m a bit uninspired at the moment, as my attention is elsewhere…)
You: As I was about to point out, it would require astute multitasking skills to both converse with me and express your creative talents in the form of an electronic vector illustration.
You: Simultaneously.
Stranger: Well, now-a-days, artistic expressions via electronic vector illustrations are not too difficult to produce.
Stranger: Unless one seeks to create greatness.
You: Don’t be so modest, I am sure there is some skill involved.
Stranger: Which, normally, I do, however this client is a cuntface.
You: I understand your amusing figure of speech – I have dealt with my fair share of “cuntface” clients.
Stranger: Oh dear, the time has come that I must now make it appear that I am actually doing something worthwhile.
You: Good luck with that endeavor.
Stranger: I fare thee well, kind stranger!

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Rating: 10.0/10 (2 votes cast)

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My Shoe

You: Greetings and salutations!
Stranger: haewu
Stranger: hi!
You: What’s up?
Stranger: i lost my shoe
You: Darn =\
Stranger: you can say that
Stranger: now i walk with one shoe
Stranger: thats cold
You: How entirely unfortunate
Stranger: yes it is i know
You: Perhaps when you locate another you will be more careful with it
Stranger: maybe i will find him tomorrow
Stranger: i think i will do that yes
You: Perhaps, however personifying your shoes perhaps is not the best way to deal with your problem.
Stranger: thanks for the tip
You: No problem, happy to be of assistance
Stranger: it isnt?
You: Oh gods no
You: See now that you have established your shoes identities as individuals
Stranger: oke thanks
You: Their behavior is now subject to all manner of new rules
Stranger: i think i am going to search m though
You: M? What does she have to do with it?
Stranger: your english is too good for me
Connection imploded.

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Crime Scene

Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: heyy
You: Where were you on the 3rd of april between 7 and 9 pm?
Stranger: idk
You: We found two dead bodies in your basement and we have reason to believe that you are involved in the murder.
Stranger: i don’t have a basement
Stranger: that can’t be possible
You: oh….
You: Well then I’m terribly sorry.
You: I thought you were someone else…
Stranger: you should be
Stranger: yeah
You: I feel like an idiot
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Rating: 10.0/10 (3 votes cast)

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