Archive for May, 2009

Sticky Fingers, Unruly Keys.

Stranger: H3llo
You: Oh wow.
You: You’re so cool.
You: Typing like th4t.
You: I think I want to c0py you.
Stranger: My 3 key is broken :(
You: That’s why you just entered an E, right?
You: It’s being unruly.
You: It wants to work when it feels like it
Stranger: It’s just stuck
Stranger: how did you know?
You: Discipline that motherfucker!
You: You can’t be a pushover.
Stranger: well, i would, but the last ti e i abused y key board i was left without a … upside down w key
You: Meh, M’s aren’t worth keeping anyway.
You: They’re ugly.
Stranger: they co e in handy though
You: They’re like the last letter on the keyboard, if you go from top to bottom, left to right.
You: Last letters are the losers.
You: They’re worth tossing aside.
You: You’re better off without M.
Stranger: you’re right
Stranger: i’ going to ebrace the lack of it
You: /\/\ is a great replacement.
You: Good for you!
You: Fuck you /\/\, we have our own /\/\ right here.
Stranger: what if soeone accuses e of trying to speak l3t
Stranger: l33t i /\/\ean
You: Just explain to the/\/\ that /\/\ is a loser and you fired it.
You: They’ll understand
You: And if not, take great pleasure in confusing the fuck out of the/\/\
Stranger: i think i’/\/\ the one that’s confused
You: Oh. That’s not good.
Stranger: why are all /\/\y keys leaving /\/\3
You: /\/\aybe it’s because you’re the loser.
You: /\/\aybe you /\/\ake the/\/\ sticky and dirty, so they fail to work properly.
Stranger: /\/\aybe you’re right
You: I won’t reject my M key anymore. M is the best.
You: you abuse them :(
Stranger: you two faced son of a bitch!!!
You: With your dirty fingers.
You: Bahaha.
Stranger: it’s an occupational hazard
You: Anyway, now that M is my friend again, I think we’re both going to go play without you.
You: Bye sticky fingers.
You have disconnected.

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Whats the Word Again..?

Stranger: 25 cm
You: This is the part when I just like sort of…
You have disconnected.

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The “Talk”

Stranger: hi
You: …its a good thing you cant get an std over the internet
Stranger: std?
You: …cause the porn industry would plummet
You: has nobody had the std talk with you?
Stranger: what is std?
You: well son, come on over, its time to tell you about the birds and the bees, and the life-ruining diseases they can give to each other
You: See son, when a man loves a woman, and vice versa, they engage in the natural dance of coitus.
Stranger: what is going on right now?
You: Dont worry son, its completely natural. Its called puberty and everyone goes through it. Youre becoming a man and thats why were having this talk. Because soon you will start to be interested in girls, and I want to make sure you know what youre doing before you bump uglies with a dirty slut and get crotch crabs. Er…Im sorry son, I got carried away there. Where were we?
Stranger: im confused. sorry, english not my main language
You: I know son, and thats why you shouldnt have sex with a random Thai slut when on shore leave.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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How May I Serve You Today?

Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hello
You: good day, sir / madam!
Stranger: madam, and good day to u as well
You: can i start you off with a drink? some appetizers?
Stranger: mmmm a drink please
You: i reccommend the white wine.
Stranger: yes please
You: okay coming right up!
You: ……
Stranger: lol
Stranger: and how is your day
Stranger: sir/madam
You: here you are! …are you ready to order madam?
Stranger: what would you recommmend
You: hm, i would reccomment the duck
Stranger: hmm I have never had the duck, lets be adventurous, I will try the duck
You: and the fish is very fresh today
You: how would you like it prepared?
Stranger: since i have never had it before I am not sure
You: okay then…the dish comes with a side order. would you like the salad or the steamed veggies?
Stranger: salad please
You: ok ma’m. *scribbles on notepad*
You: your dish will be served momentarialy.
Stranger: excellent, thank you very much
You: ………..
You: ……..
You: here you are!
Stranger: such speedy service here!
You: yes madam, the best in town
Stranger: I would have to agree
You: if you would need my services just call.
Stranger: will do!
You: enjoy!
Stranger: :)
You: *seats a newly arriving couple and takes their order*
You: *walks over*
You: …how is your meal, madam?
Stranger: excellent, the duck is fantastic, never thought duck could taste so good
You: yes, our cooks are the best in town as well! i am glad you are enjoying your meal!
Stranger: thank you
You: refill on your wine?
Stranger: yes please
You: coming right up!
You: ………
You: here you are…..
Stranger: thank you
You: no problem m’lady. call if you need anything!
Stranger: thank you, sir/mam?
You: madam, thank you.
Stranger: :)
You: *comes back with a check* here’s your check madam!
You: (its $200 dollars)
Stranger: hm, not to expensive!
Stranger: the meal was delicious and well worth it
You: we do whats good for the customers.
You: thankyou for coming to our resturaunt, it was a pleasure serving you!
Stranger: thank you very much for the delightful evening and great food
Stranger: *leaves a big tip*
You: you’re welcome madam, you have a very fine evening!
You: thank you!
Stranger: you as well! Thank you!
You: good night!
Stranger: good night
You have disconnected.

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