Archive for July, 2009

My Lord, My Lord.

Stranger: hey there
You: My lord.
Stranger: huh?
Stranger: Im not your lord. ><
You: oh, but sir you are.
Stranger: First off, how would you determine if I am indeed a man?
You: oh, sorry my lady.
Stranger: There you go assuming again
Stranger: Look, saying “hi” would suffice; there’s no reason for you addressing me as “lord” or “sir”
You: i’m quite sorry.
You: i can’t see you.
Stranger: oh its fine, not really offended; more like confused
Stranger: lol
You: quite sorry my commandant.
Stranger: haha
Stranger: lord is easier to type.
You: yes.
You: very sorry my lord.
Stranger: *giggling*
You: or lady.
Stranger: Oh, I assure you, its lord.
You: okay my lord.
Stranger: lords can giggle too, yanno.
You: yes i now know that.
You: my lord.
Stranger: sooooo what brings you to display such subordination?
You: well, after you became king my lord, i was put in place as your personal servant.
Stranger: hahahaa
Stranger: I am a jovial king, you see.
You: sorry lord, but i don’t understand.?
Stranger: its like a two player MUC.
Stranger: this is great.
You: Muc?
Stranger: lol nvm nvm
Stranger: so what gender is my faithful servant?
You: you are making noise i can’t understand my lord
Stranger: *tries not to laugh*
You: i would be a male my lord
Stranger: I need you to dictate a new law I have come up with.
You: yes my lord.
Stranger: Ready your quill.
You: it is ready my lord.
Stranger: From this day forward, I decree that “lol” shall symbolize laughter in the written form- to better communicate a jovial emotion in text.
You: Lol.
You: yes sir.
Stranger: I shall amend this law with new acronyms in the near future at my discretion.
You: this word will live on forever.
Stranger: LOL
You: oh, my lord
You: you have such a great laugh.
You: in text.
Stranger: I thank my faithful serf.
You: i thank you my lord.
You: Now, Shakespear has a brand new play opening to night my lord.
Stranger: That talentless hack?? I thought I had him banned from creating and producing his incestuous filth.
You: no my lord, you were only brought to be king 3 days ago.
Stranger: Oh right, right. well-
You: my quill tis ready
Stranger: Cancel the play and forbid him from writing anymore slop; spare the future generations from suffering his terrible, terrible blather in educational facilities.
You: yes sir.
You: wait, my lord. educational facilities?
Stranger: Never you mind that last part
You: okay air.
Stranger: I have plans.
You: they are probably great
Stranger: Oh, indeed they are.
You: any last word before i head to the kitchen my lord.?
Stranger: Yes, “lol.”
You: and preferances on dinner.
Stranger: Brasied duck with..hmm..
You: “lol”, right back at you lord.
Stranger: I dunno, something delicious.
Stranger: and it had better be.
You: we had someone bring in a great amount of appels.
Stranger: well then, scratch the duck and prepare me a dish with porkchops.
Stranger: You know what to do with the apples.
You: oh yes, well the cooks do.
You: lol.
Stranger: lol, indeed
You: goodday my lord.
Stranger: good morrow.

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Knock Knock.

Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You\’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: *knock knock*
You: No.
You: BAH HUMBUG.
Stranger: *knock knock*
You: Go away, I’m too paralyzed to answer the door
Stranger: *knock knock*
You: For fuck’s sake *5 minutes later* now I’m at the door. HELLO.
Stranger: *runs away giggling*
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Imagination

Connecting to server…
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You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growabl
You: Well.
You: I heard you can strawberries.
You: Didja know?
Stranger: well….i think you lost me there
You: What?
You: At what part?
Stranger: the statement “i heard you can strawberries”…….it makes no sense
You: What do you mean?
You: You can strawberries.
You: It makes perfect sense.
You: Durr?
Stranger: explain to me how that statement makes sense
You: Um…
You: Well
You: Let’s start with the fact that you can strawberries.
You: Understand?
Stranger: no……..
You: Sigh.
Stranger: it makes no sense
You: Well
You: Second of all
Stranger: you can strawberries?
Stranger: what the fuck
You: When you’re with a frend
You: You can strawberries.
You: Then at a social gathering
You: You also can strawberries.
You: Get it?
Stranger: i’m laughing my ass off here…..i’m just not getting it
You: Whaaaat?!?!
You: What’s so hard to get?
You: YOU. CAN. STRAWBERRIES.
Stranger: you can WHAT strawberries?
You: YOU CAN STRAWBERRIES.
You: THE FUCK DO YOU NOT GET?!
Stranger: you mean put them in a can?
You: No.
You: You can strawberries.
Stranger: argh
Stranger: it makes no sense!!!!!!
You: God.
You: YOU DON’T MAKE SENSE.
You: YOU CAN FUCKING STRAWBERRIES.
You: GET IT?!?!!?
You: YOU
You: CAN
You: STRAWBERRIES.
Stranger: no i can’t!
You: WHY NOT?!
Stranger: i don’t know how you can strawberries, but i can’t
You: Anyone can
Stranger: i have no fucking clue what the fuck you’re talking about
You: You can strawberry in any situation
You: It’s pretty easy if you ask me
You: Grab a strawberry
You: And just it.
Stranger: what
Stranger: the
Stranger: fuck
Stranger: are
Stranger: you
Stranger: talking
Stranger: about
Stranger: it?
You: I’m talking about strawberries
You: How you can them.
Stranger: you can fruit
You: What?
Stranger: exactly
Stranger: you make no sense
You: How?
You: What’s so damn hard to understand about strawberries?
Stranger: how you can them
You: Yeah
You: Exactly.
You: Okay
Stranger: the statement makes no sense
You: Go grab a strawberry
You: Right now.
Stranger: if you said you can EAT strawberries, it would make sense
You: What?
Stranger: i have a strawberry
You: I’m saying you can strawberries.
Stranger: it’s in my fucking hand
You: kk
Stranger: now what?
You: Now just it.
You: Just fucking it.
Stranger: i’m going to copy and paste your text
You: kk
Stranger: Stranger: Now just it.
Stranger: Just fucking it.
You: Show it to your teacher
Stranger: does that make sense to you?
Stranger: does it?
You: They’ll know that you can strawberries.
You: Yeah
Stranger: JUST IT?
You: Durr.
You: YES
Stranger: what the fuck are you talking about?!?@!?!??
You: WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT?!
Stranger: yes!
You: I’M FUCKING TALKING ABOUT IT TO STRAWBERRIES.
Stranger: just it?
Stranger: what the fuck is IT?!?!?
You: Well
You: You tell me.
You: Do you get it?
Stranger: no
You:
You: Okay
You: Grab a banana.
Stranger: ok
You: Got it?
Stranger: yeah
You: Now,
You: just the banana.
Stranger: just what the banana?
You: Just the banana.
Stranger: ………….
You: ….?
Stranger: how does this make any sense to you?
Stranger: are you fucking high?
Stranger: or just mental?
You: How does this not make sense to you?
You: Are you just fucking stupid?
Stranger: dude
Stranger: seriously
You: Just the banana and strawberry.
Stranger: the statement Just the banana
Stranger: now that makes no sense either
Stranger: so i’m holding a banana
You: Right
Stranger: not doing anything
Stranger: just fucking holding it
You: Now slowly the banana.
Stranger: you can’t slowly do nothing to a banana
You: I didn’t tel you to do nothing.
You: I told you to the banana.
Stranger: Stranger: I told you to the banana.
You: Yeah.
Stranger: you told me to the banana
Stranger: that means nothing
You: Exactly.
You: No.
Stranger: yes
You: No.
Stranger: yes
You: Just the banana
You: Right no
You: now*.
You: And you’ll see.
Stranger: just what the banana?
You: Just the banana.
You: Duh?
Stranger: oh my god
Stranger: you’re insane
You: I’m saying it plain and simple right here.
You: Um
You: No
You: Go back to grade 1
Stranger: fuck
You: You’ll learn you can the banana and the strawberry there.
Stranger: ……….
You: ………….
Stranger: eat, peel, what?
Stranger: this conversation is totally being posted online
Stranger: it makes no sense
You: Um
You: No
You: You just the banana
You: You know what?
You: Get of the banana
You: And get a different fruit
Stranger: ok, i’ve got an apple
Stranger: now what?
You: Alright
You: Now
You: Since it’s an apple
You: You’ve gotta it fast
You: Quickly the apple.
Stranger: this is so fucking hilarious
Stranger: you make no sense
You: I know.
You: You’re stupidity knows no bounds.
Stranger: right
Stranger: because now i’m staring at an apple
Stranger: because you told me to “quickly the apple”
Stranger: which makes no sense
Stranger: at al
Stranger: all
You: How?
You: Just the apple.
Stranger: where are you from that you think this makes sense?
Stranger: seriously
You: You can the apple.
You: Where I’m from?
You: I’m from the land of fruits, bitch.
You: Now the strawberry
You: And then the apple
You: THEN you can the banana.
You: It’d make more sense if you it in that order.
Stranger: still makes more sense
Stranger: maybe i should smoke more pot
You: Ah?
You: Um no.
Stranger: ……more should have been no
You: This process requires no drugs whatsoever.
Stranger: no sense
You: My gosh.
You: Learn to the fruits.
Stranger: keep an eye on www.omeglechats.com in the next few days
You: kk.
You have disconnected.

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Enlightment.

Stranger: hi
You: enlighten me.
Stranger: ok
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Wasn’t Meant To Be…

Connecting to server…
You\’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Male looking 4 horny babe
You: haha ooh thats me
Stranger: ok wanna cyber
You: wow, you nailed me. its like youve known me all my life. i can summarily be decribed as a horny babe that wants to cyber.
You: were a match made in cyber heaven, you and i.
Stranger: ok
You: hmm, but before we cyber, will you cyber go-steady with me?
You: im not a cyber slut after all.
Stranger: ok
You: well, that puts me at ease at least.
Stranger: good
You: So when we are done cybering, i expect youll be cyber-moving in to my place
You: i dont know if i can go cyber-steady with someone that still lives at their parents
You: wait, you have a cyber-job, right?
You: Im not a cyber-gold digger or anything, but a girl has needs.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Goodbye old friend….

Stranger: hi
You: all you can say is hi?
You: when im here alone with 12 kids
You: that YOU left me with
You: *sob*
Stranger: sorry :(
You: you better be
Stranger: but hey, what was your name again?
You: oh thats REAL NICE
Stranger: just to know who you were
You: you marry me in vegas get me pregnent
You: ditch me
You: and dont even remember my nime
You: name**
You: BASTARD!!!
Stranger: i’ve been in vegas?
Stranger: wow
You: thats another thing
You: your alcohol problem
You: its too intense for the kids to be around you
Stranger: hey i had an accident last year, i had brain damage, so i don\’t remember a lot anymore about my past, sorry :s
You: yeah
You: i know
You: i was in the car
Stranger: oh, really?
You: when you were in the hospital
You: i kissed you
You: but you didn’t remember me
You: i thought it would be like the movies where my tears would bring back your memory
You: but life is sad
Stranger: yeah, this is true life, not a fairy tale, too bad… :s
You: you know
You: maybe there WILL be a happy ending
You: we should get married
Stranger: really? :)
Stranger: oh
You: yes!!!
Stranger: aren’t we married yet?
You: no
Stranger: you talked about vegas?
You: no
Stranger: oh, so you married another guy overthere?
You: no
Stranger: oh
Stranger: well, if we’re not, yeah, maybe…
Stranger: so, how are the kids?
You: theyre good
You: only little suzie had the flu
You: and i cant afford the medacation
Stranger: oh :s
You: each day she slips away
Stranger: too bad
Stranger: but hey, we got 11 others…
You: THATS WHY WE GOT DIVORCED!
You: you have NO value for human life!
Stranger: yes i do!
You: PROVE IT!
You: ~~~
Stranger: remember that i put silvy on ebay once for $4000 ?
Stranger: so YES, there’s a value!
You: …..
You: we dont have a kid named silvy
You: WERE YOU CHEATING ON ME????!?!?
Stranger: of course we don’t have any, i sold her….
Stranger: don’t u remember? that guy with a long beard, smelly clothes and a shady grin on his face?
You: you cheated on me with HIM
Stranger: no, i sold silvy to him
Stranger: hey i’m not gay…
You: well….
You: there was that time in disney world
You: that leads me to think you might go both ways
Stranger: you mean the time i kissed mickey mouse?
Stranger: hey, it wasn’t really mickey, it\’s a costume
You: we both know whos underneath
Stranger: yeah, that hot blonde
You: yes steve, the blonde GUY
Stranger: OMG :|
Stranger: it was a guy???
Stranger: wtf, a guy with long hair and breasts…. :s eww
Stranger: and i kissed that… :s
You: theyre called moobs
You: yes…. you did
You: by the way
You: my names not erin
Stranger: oh :s
Stranger: you changed your name?
You: no
You: i lied
You: the night we met
You: i lied
You: the government sent me to spy on you
Stranger: oh…
Stranger: what for?
You: this whole conversation has been a lie and is being recorded
You: you are under arrest for the sale of a human life
Stranger: fuck :s YOU BITCH!
You: i always knew id get you
Stranger: hey, u can’t get me anyway
You: and now your caught
You: in 30 seconds the FBI will be at your house
Stranger: i ignore it…
You: covering all escapes
You: theres no way youll live
You: goodbye osama bin laden
You have disconnected.

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the limitations of man

Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: so i herdz u liek teh mudkipz
You: entertain me with a delightful, interesting conversation
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: i can only try
You: indeed, that is our limitation as man
You: we can only try
Stranger: try try try
You: sometimes we achieve greatness
You: and other times we fail
Stranger: but as we fail
Stranger: our strength and knowledge rises
Stranger: being so
Stranger: we achieve in a way
You: indeed, indeed
Stranger: quite an interesting cycle
You: and yet
You: it seems we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes from the past
Stranger: yes
Stranger: it is
Stranger: yet these mistakes may be the very reason for why we try in the first place
You: but then why, after witnessing them, do we repeat them?
Stranger: maybe it is the stubborness that is man in the first place
Stranger: maybe we just don’t get it the first time
You: but should we not during the second?
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: i cannot really think of a reason for the moment
You: yes, indeed
You: well i thank you sir or madam
You: for this time
You: you have not failed
Stranger: as do I
Stranger: why thank you
Stranger: likewise
You: i bid thee good night
Stranger: live long and posper i bid thee too

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Proposal

Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: OMEGLE IS BAD
You: CUZ I AM COMING FOR YOU
Stranger: NO U
You: YES ME
You: walton?
Stranger: david?
You: bob?
Stranger: jack?
You: holyshit
You: it IS YOU MICHAEL
Stranger: OMG, JOHN IT’S REALLY YOU!!
You: I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!
Stranger: IT’S BEEN WAY TOO LONG
Stranger: WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME???
You: BECAUSE [*drumroll*]
You: YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME.
You: WITH BILLY
Stranger: NUH UH!
You: I HATE BILLY
Stranger: I DO TOO
You: HE SMELLS
You: BAD
Stranger: HE MADE IT LOOK LIKE I WAS CHEATING ON YOU
Stranger: BUT I WASN’T!
Stranger: HE… HE…
Stranger: HE RAPED ME
You: OHMAHGAWD
You: ARE YOU OKAY?
Stranger: ;_;
Stranger: I’M SCARRED
Stranger: FOR LIFE
You: OH NO
You: DONT WORRY, I’LL HELP YOU
Stranger: THANK YOU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
You: I LOVE YOU TOO!
Stranger: =D
You: will you…
You: uh…
You: marry me?
You: (:
Stranger: OMG
Stranger: OMG
Stranger: YES
Stranger: YES YES YES YES
You: OMG OMG
You: I LOVE YOU
You: I KNEW YOU WOULD SAY YES
Stranger: I LOVE YOU TOO!
Connection imploded.

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