Archive for August, 2009

She’s got a gun!!!

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Youre now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: asl is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: IN THE CAR!
Stranger: moi
Stranger: what?? : o
You: Hurry….
You: She’s behind you!!!!!!!!!
You: SHE’S GOT A GUN!
Stranger: nooo!!
You: HOLY SHIT!
You: OMG…
Stranger: im gonna die!!
You: THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING…
You: I’m sorry.
Stranger: what?? : O
You: i never got to tell you
You: I love you.
You: please…
You: be safe…
Stranger: oh i love you too
You: I need you to come home….
You: OMG she’s cocking the gun!!!!!
You: TURN AROUND!!!!
Stranger: oooh!!
You: OOOOOOOH THE HORROR
You: OH, THERE’S SO MUCH BLOOD.
You: ….oh…
You: I’ll miss you.
Stranger: am i dead?
You: yes, yes you are.
You: :(
Stranger: oh good, thanks
You: lol, take care.
You: XD
Stranger: ; DD
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Remind me what we were just talking about?

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Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You\’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!

Stranger: hello
You: Gurgle..
You: *cough*
You: sorry..
You: my throat was just slashed
You: I’m a little bit congested
You: I have some blood seeping into my lungs and a giant gash across my trachea, i\’m having minor breathing issues.
You: Please, forgive me.
You: So, where were we?
Stranger: I was bored, you were going to die
You: Oh, yes, that’s it.
You: Do you know how to stop bleeding from the windpipe without strangling myself with a tourniquet?
Stranger: not really, I’m no doctor///
You: it seems to be a no-win situation at this point.
You: Oh, damn where\’s a doctor when you need one?
Stranger: not on omegle for sure…
You: This is starting to get critical.
You: Why not? I thought this was where all the cool doctor’s Had their Brodowns.
You: I must have been misinformed.
You: I’m a little dizzy.
You: i’m going to take a nap now…
Stranger: have fun

You have disconnected.

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Giiirlfriend

Stranger: Either you’re a woman or you’re gay
You: i’m a girl
You: lol
Stranger: Oh haha
Stranger: Me too
You: nice
Stranger: I was secretly hoping for a fabulous man to say
Stranger: Girlfriend I’ve got stories for you
Stranger: and wave his hand

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He’s not into the domestic type

Stranger: hi
You: man
Stranger: yes
You: i just realized i’ve spent the past, like, hour bitching to people on omegle about my laundry
You: haha
You: hi
Stranger: cool
Stranger: r u horny?
You: yes
Stranger: want to cyber
You: laundry just really gets me going you know
You: only if we can do it on top of the dryer
Stranger: right
You: with the vibrating action
Stranger: sure
You: sweet
Stranger: your start
You: i’m putting the clothes in
You: and pouring in the detergent
Stranger: ok
You: now i’m pressing the buttons
Stranger: k
You: COME HERE BABY
Stranger: IM HERE
You: damn, you’re hella fuckin with me aren’t you
You: here i thought i was being all funny
You: lmao
Stranger: WHAT?
You: oh shit you were serious?
Stranger: UYEA
Stranger: YEA*
You: oh okay
You: so i’m sitting on top of the dryer with my legs spread
Stranger: LET ME STICK IT IN YOUR
Stranger: YOU*
You: ok
Stranger: how does it feel
Stranger: ?
You: so good
You: like towels fresh from the dryer
Stranger: r u wet?
You: mmm yeah baby
Stranger: ooooo
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Schrodinger’s Stranger

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A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: I am Schrodinger’s stranger
Stranger: hey
You: I did not exist until you started a chat with me
Stranger: WHAT??????????????
Stranger: ok let’s chat then
You: When you did, the Universe understood the need for a person you would chat with, and I spontaneously began
You: I can’t chat! I have to go experience Life!
You: Life! It’s wonderful to be alive!
You have disconnected.

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Welcome to Jomegle

Stranger: Welcome to Jomegle! Please enter your username.
You: fuck you is my username
Stranger: Invalid username. Your username may only consist of letters (A-Z) and numbers (0-9).
You: hahaha ok
Stranger: Invalid username. Your username may only consist of letters (A-Z) and numbers (0-9).
You: k
Stranger: Re-type your username to confirm.
You: um
Stranger: The names don’t match. Try again.
Stranger: Sorry, too many failed attempts.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Welcome To The Twilight Zone

Connecting to server…
You\’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hey r u a guy
You: shhhh
Stranger: ?
You: they’ll hear you
Stranger: i hear them
You: Just stay quiet, stay down, and follow me
Stranger: mmmk
You: don’t worry, they’re stalk-eyes let them see in all directions at once, but they’re hearing is slightly lacklustre
Stranger: where r we going
You: anywhere away from them
Stranger: who r they
You: I wish I knew
You: we’ll find out once we escape
Stranger: lets escape then
You: Stay in the shadows
Stranger: wats ur name
You: Maybe we should exchange pleasantries when we escape those things carrying plasma cannons, hmm?
Stranger: no! now!
You: they heard you!
Stranger: oh god
You: we’re both gonna die now, dumbass, thanks a lot
Stranger: RUN!
You: No! Please! eat him! not me!
You: Oh God, look at those mouth-parts!
Stranger: wat? i see nothing!
You: Oh my God! they blinded you with a flash-ray!
Stranger: no. i still c u
You: Invisibility cloaks!
You: we are so screwed!
Stranger: y we can run
You: not from those ones who have wings!
Stranger: monkeys
Stranger: hmmm
You: Oh no! they’re crawling out of the ground!
Stranger: eww that sounds like worms
Stranger: blach
You: Oh no! it’s got me in it’s claw! it’s cutting into my- gak! shleeuck! bleugh! gurglegurglegurgle
Stranger: huh?
You: tell… my family… I love-
You have disconnected.

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Greetings from the World of Tommorrow!

Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Hi
Stranger: Hello Cowboy ;)
Stranger: or.. girl.
You: Hey, Cowgirl
Stranger: So, where are you from? :D
You: The future
Stranger: .. Are there.. Flying cars?
You: Cars are obsolete
You: We all have rocket boots
Stranger: Ooh.
Stranger: AWESOME
Stranger: Is there.. Pie?
You: yup
Stranger: Hmm.. How about cake? Nowaday the cake is a lie, but how about the future?
You: Ah yes, for the longest time cake was a lie, but it\’s real nowadays
You: There’s a religion built around it
Stranger: Great stuff..
You: “Still Alive” is one of the oldest and most traditional Cakeology hymns
Stranger: Great!
Stranger: Wait.. Did you future guys resurrect Billy Mays?
You: resurrect him? he’s our President!
Stranger: YESS
Stranger: BILLY MAYS HERE, WITH THE PLANET EARTH
You: more like BILLY MAYS HERE WITH US FINALLY OUT OF IRAQ!
Stranger: wooo
You: There was no need to be there now that democracy is in control
Stranger: :D
Stranger: So.. What’s Iraq about nowadays?.. I guess the fuck was blown out of it before, but what did it become?
You: Well, we all decided to work together as a planet after the War Against Jupiter, and today Iraq, like everywhere else, is living in first world conditions
Stranger: Beautiful.
Stranger: What happened to Mr T. and David Hasselhoff?
You: David Hasselhoff now appears in Burger King commercials, demonstrating how to eat burgers when drunk
You: Mr. T currently is the Governer of South Dakota
Stranger: woohoo
Stranger: Woah, the future sounds great..
Stranger: There must be some bad things about it tho?
You: Well, the aforementioned war with the telepathic squid men from Jupiter certainly didn’t help the environment…
Stranger: ooh..
You: Luckily, Al Gore built a giant Mech suit that breaths in carbon dioxide and exhales perfect atmosphere
Stranger: Ooh
Stranger: Damn, this is good stuff!
Stranger: Also, what happened to Hugh Heffner?
You: He attempted to have sex while skydiving and…
You: well…
Stranger: it didnt work out?
You: No, it worked out fine. But the girl he sky-banged had herpes
Stranger: Ah
You: ya…
Stranger: Wait, what year are you living in?
You: After the zombie apocalypse, we lost track of the original calender system
You: We’re currently living in 37 A.Z.
Stranger: After Zombie?
You: yes
Stranger: DID BILL MAKE IT?
You: Yes, he’s ow our Secretary of Defense
You: *now
Stranger: How about Louis? :o
You: He runs a pharmacy somewhere in New Hampshire
Stranger: Ooh, with those happy pills.
You: Now that the zombies are mostly gone, we don’t have to be worried about them so much
Stranger: You did keep some boomers tho, right? They are awesome.
You: And besides, the radioactive mutants have picked most of them off
Stranger: yay
You: Ya, the Boomers were kept alive, and now work in McDonald’s Chains
Stranger: Great stuff :D
Stranger: McBarf ftw.
You: They’ve been added to the line-up of children’s McDonalds characters
Stranger: Damn, now I want a happy meal.
Stranger: Anyways
Stranger: it’s been great talking to you
Stranger: Oh, by the wa
Stranger: way*
You: yes?
Stranger: Did we ever catch Osama?
You: Yup
Stranger: Where was he? :o\
You: He was in Hawaii
Stranger: Did he have one of them hula skirts?
You: no, but he did have one of those flowery Hawaiian shirts
Stranger: Great :D
Stranger: Well
Stranger: Good luck out there, running around happily with the radioactive mutants
You: He’d abandoned his Terrorist ways when he discovered weed
Stranger: Ooh, new hippie age? :D
You: no, Hippies are extinct.
Stranger: Aww
You: They became kind of pointless when marijuana was legalized
You: and it’s use was made mandatory by law
Stranger: Well, stuff sounds great, I hope I survive the Zombie Apocalypse..
You: Well, what’s your name? I might know you
Stranger: Samuel L. Jackson
You: …My God… Emperor Jackson!
Stranger: :D
You: Is it really you?
Stranger: Guess so :)
You: Oh don’t worry, you’re the one who punched every single zombie in North America to death
Stranger: Did they look like a bitch?
You: You certainly thought they did
Stranger: I guess I tried to fuck ‘em like a bitch.
Stranger: Well, thanks for the heads-up, kind sir
You: Oh by the way, before I go…
You: At the next Superbowl, bet on Christian Bale
Stranger: Ooh
You: he jumped onto the field and won it single-handedly
Stranger: yesss
You: Oops, a mutant’s breached the perimeter force field. gotta go
Stranger: Know what? Come byy office, I’ll make you head of Aperture Science Lab, and give you a companion cube.
Stranger: by my*
You: See you later, sir.
Stranger: I guess we will meet again.
Stranger: May the Cake be with you
You: And I would recommend keeping an eye on Omeglechats.com for the next few days
You: And may the Cake also be with you
Stranger: :)
You have disconnected.

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