Archive for August, 2009

Ten bucks

You: hey
Stranger: I AM JESUS
You: oh man
You: I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE
You: you owe me ten bucks
Stranger: wow
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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But the dead chicks do

Stranger: i wanna have your babies
You: thank goodness
You: i was starting to believe no one ever would
Stranger: why
You: well
You: to be honest
You: i have a thing for dead chicks
You: and living chicks don’t go for that
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Hi Kitty.

Stranger: are pancakes the only thing you put in your cooch?
You: nope
You: i hide tons of stuff up there.
You: my car keys, my kitten, some soda
Stranger: is the soda in a container? or do you just pour it up there?
You: container, duh.
You: i have to share sometimes.
Stranger: wouldn’t it be more fun to share with no container?
You: no
You: some people don’t like that
You: plus my kitty doesn’t like getting all sticky
Stranger: but you put the syrup-y pancakes there too so the kitty is already sticky
You: he likes syrup though
You: so it’s a different story

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Failed joke

Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Hi!
You: hi
Stranger: Can I ask you something…
You: what?
Stranger: Is Windows currently running on your PC?
You: no
Stranger: Oh.
Stranger: Well.
Stranger: Uh.
You: I use linux
Stranger: Oh.
Stranger: I was just gonna shout THEN YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT ;o
Stranger: But now I don’t know what to say.
Stranger: I hadn’t really planned for Linux.
Stranger: Uh.
Stranger: Well.
Stranger: Cheers.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Skateboarding

Stranger: hi
You: hey
You: hows it goin
Stranger: good
Stranger: bored.
You: same here
You: you like skateboarding?
Stranger: mhm
You: Yeah, I love the feeling of landing on hard wood too.
You: Its great.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Im sorry ma\’am…..

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!

Stranger: I’m sorry ma’am
Stranger: Your daughter died in a traffic accident
You: Im sorry sir – it was no accident
You: i couldn’t stand the little bitches moaning anymore!
Stranger: Ok, could you tell me specificly what happened ?
You: She was turning into a little slut, I told her “you go out and its the last thing you’ll do!”
You: and do you know what she did?
Stranger: Tell me ma’am
You: She called me an old bitch – said i ought to have more fun! Loosen up!
You: So i loosened all right!
You: Loosened all her tyres!
Stranger: I know how you feel.
Stranger: But it’s not a reason to murder people.
You: Im her mother!
You: If she did what i said NONE of this would have happened!
Stranger: Still, It’s you’re daughter so you’re responsibilty !
You: She was uncontrollable!
You: i think she was at that Greg Smiths house
You: getting up to god knows what
You: When I was her age I respected my parents!
Stranger: Was your daughter addicted to some kind of drugs, we found drugs in her blood on the place of crime.
You: Well….
You: she was uncontrollable you see
You: so i thought
Stranger: Yes, go on.
You: if i put something in her food
You: – just a little!
You: then she’ll stay at home
Stranger: Ok, ma’am
Stranger: Still, I have to arrest you.
You: WHAT!
You: NO
You: This isn’t fair
Stranger: I’m gonna tell you’re rights
You: IM A GOOD MOTHER
You: It was her
You: Her and her sinful ways!
You: You can’t take me alive!
You: *grabs knife*
Stranger: Don’t do anything stupid !
Stranger: We can talk about this !
You: STAY BACK
You: GET AWAY FROM ME
You: IT WAS HER
Stranger: Put that knife down
Stranger: Don’t do anything stupid
You: THE STUPID UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BITCH
You: *lunges toward you*
You: Arrrr
Stranger: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH !
Stranger: * GRABS GUN *
Stranger: * SHOOTS IN FOOT *
You: NOOOOO
You: *drops knife*
Stranger: * TAKES HANDCUFFS *
You: STUPID LITTLE BITCH
Stranger: EVERYTHING YOU SAY, CAN BE USE AGAINST YOU !
You: *struggles*
Stranger: * Fights back *
You: GET OFF ME
You: GET OFF
You: *knees in groin*
You: *tried to run but falls*
You: Argh
Stranger: COME HERE !
Stranger: * DRAGS HER OUTSIDE *
You: THE BITCH
You: IM A GOOD MOTHER
Stranger: * PUTS HER IN POLICE CAR *
You: YOU CANT DO THIS
You: NOOOooooo…..
Stranger: In the place where you are going you have much time to think about what you’ve done to that poor child
Stranger: * drives to police station *
You: *small voice* I want my lawyer
Stranger: That’s a waste of time
Stranger: But you have your rights
You: I….I think i need my lawyer…..yes…….my lawyer
Stranger: You can call him when we’re at the Police station
You: he’ll sort it out….. he’s a nice man…..
You: a nice man…….
Stranger: Holy shit.
Stranger: Stay with
Stranger: Me
You: nice family……………………………………………\
You: x_x
Stranger: Shit she is Unconscious !
Stranger: * DRAGS HER QUICKLY TO HOSPITAL *
Stranger: DOC, WE NEED SOME HELP !
You: *beep…..beep……beep*
Stranger: SHIT !
You: beeeeeeeeeeeeeep
Stranger: SHIT SHIT SHIT GODDAMNIT !
Stranger: * THROWS WITH MORPHINE *
Stranger: FUCK !
You have disconnected.

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I HERD U LIEK BARRY???

Connecting to server…
You\’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: “asl” is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!

You: OHAI
Stranger: HAI!
Stranger: YOU MUST BE VERY ENTHOUSIASTIC!
You: YES YES BERRY
Stranger: MMM BARRY!
Stranger: I love his deep voice
You: OH YES
You: IT SURE GETS ME IN THE MOOD FO LOVIN
Stranger: caps don’t get me in that mood, you gotsta whisper them words to a babe, not shout man
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Lonely in prison

Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: 62 M Prison
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