Archive for February, 2010

Liars: A Tricky Species

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hello
Stranger: Hi
You: tell me something about yourself
Stranger: Im 17 and I surf
You: i know that already
Stranger: No you dont
You: yes i do
Stranger: You dont know me
You: yes i do
Stranger: Whats my name then?
You: does that matter
Stranger: Yes
You: im not gonna tell you cuz then you are just gonna change your name so that i am wrong
Stranger: Im not. Promise.
Stranger: Besdies, if you knew me you would know I never lie
You: unless you are lying right now…. in which case we find ourselves in an interesting paradox
Stranger: You said you knew me. I asked what my name is so Im going to give you a hint. It starts with J
You: i know from the past sentence that i made up about you that you are lying
You: so im gonna say your name doesnt start with j
Stranger: You idiot. My names Jasmine.
You: i know that already
Stranger: Then explain this; so im gonna say your name doesnt start with j
Stranger: Suck that asshole
You: thats correct
You: my name does or does not start with j, depending on whether you are lying or not
You: liar
Stranger: Fuck you. You dont know me.
Stranger: Im going to be a good little girl and disconnect you :D
You: are you lying
Stranger: No Im not
You: i think you are
Stranger: IM NOT LYING!
You: you didnt make eye contact, so you must be lying
Stranger: How the hell am I supposed to make eye contact with you when I cant even see you because Im looking at a computer screen where some asshole is typing saying that he/she knows me.
You: i know so much about you because i am watching you
You: i expect you to make eye contact with me
Stranger: Haha, so funny.
You: i dont think you are lying now…
Stranger: THANKYOU!
You: that wa a lie. you arent being truly sincere
Stranger: OKay, your a fucking asshole who has no idea what you are talking about
Stranger: IM A STRANGER!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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TTD (Toasterly Transmitted Disease)

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: If I were a toaster would you still love me?
Stranger: yes.
You: finally! a true companion
Stranger: are we talking about the genocide of humanity or toast kind?
Stranger: (I’d love you still, either way)
You: if I were a machine that made toast
Stranger: Ah ok.
Stranger: Well, toast is a good force in the universe, whats not to love?
You: my crumbs they are contagious when you put other food in my slots you may get my ttds (toasterly transmitted diseases)
Stranger: What are the symptoms?
You: hold on I will make you a list
You: nausea, heartburn, indigestion….upset stomach, diarrea!
Stranger: So basically, if I take pepto bismol I’ll be fine?
You: basically but you could die a little
Stranger: So long as its only a little.
You: yes so you will still put your items in my infested toaster slots AND love me?
Stranger: Maybe, I think I would hate you a little everytime I died a little, but only a little.
Stranger: kind of like how I feel about this conversation

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Latvia

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: WHAT…..is the capital of Latvia?
Stranger: Riga
You: wrong!
You: its Riga
Stranger: oh sorry.. clearly i’m wrong.
You: clearly
You: thanks for playing!
You have disconnected.

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Jesus the (almost) All-knowing

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: I am Jesus, Lord of Earth! I will answer any three questions you have!
You: whats my name?
Stranger: Bob
Stranger: Next question
You: how old am i?
Stranger: Eleventy-four
Stranger: Final question
You: Absolute zero is the temperature when sub-atomic particles stop moving. This temperature is reached at zero degrees Kelvin. What temperature in degrees celcius is equivalent to zero Kelvin?
Stranger: 3
You: wrong
Stranger: Thanks for playing
You: youre not jesus
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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The names Adolf

Stranger: what is your deepest, darkest secret
You: i killed 6 million jews in 1945.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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19/f/spam

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey
Stranger: hi im Kate from canada and im 19 f :)
Stranger: how are you ? :)
You: 18 m usa
You: spam?
Stranger: do you want to see a pic of me?
You: FUUUCKKK
You: NO
Stranger: okay 2 sec then i am just going to upload some.
You: SHUT THE FUCK UP
You: no i will not download them when you tell me the link
Stranger: http://www.*******.com/?dtmjeommu1v
Stranger: sorry you have to download them
You: what a fucking suprise
Stranger: what do you think?
You: i love viruses and all but shut the fuck up and leave me alone
You: thank you

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Lucky Guess or Statistics Genius

You: hi
Stranger: hi
Stranger: where are you from
You: right now, i’m in your backyard
You: watching you type on your laptop.
You: you really should stop asking girls for their pics. it’s rude.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Van Gogh Syndrome

You: Hey there
Stranger:Hello
You: What are you doing?
Stranger: Listening to music
You: Ahhh that’s nice. I don’t have ears so I wouldn’t know about that.
You: Really sad, actually.
You: It’s called Van Gogh Syndrome
You: Have you ever heard about it?
You: I haven’t
You: CAUSE I DON’T HAVE EARS!

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