Archive for March, 2010

Problematic Jell-O

Stranger: Hey
You: Wanna Jell-O?
Stranger: Sure lol
You: It’s lime. Do you like that flavor?
Stranger: It’s fine lol
You: I put chocolate chips in it. Do you mind?
Stranger: lol
Stranger: That’s okay
You: I dropped it on the floor but picked it up within five seconds. Is that okay?
Stranger: okay lol
You: I can’t find a spoon. Would you mind using a fork?
Stranger: No I’ll use a fork lol
You: Ummm I ate it
You: sorry
You have disconnected.

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Oh yeah baby, transfer me that data.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: looking for sex
You: oh yeah..
You: Well
You: go out then?
You: look for some?
Stranger: did
Stranger: need anonymity
Stranger: im hideous
You: ohh, damnies
You: :(
Stranger: like boils everywhere
You: Haha, sweet as
You: That’s just what I like
Stranger:
Stranger: wanna f*ck?
You: Yeah sure
You: Right now, I’m showing my usb 2.0 into the network cable slot
You: and releasing my data
You: ohhh yeah
Stranger: oooh baby
You: there goes an .mp3
You: ohh yeah
Stranger: mp3?
Stranger: really?
Stranger: you like that shit?
You: Oh wait, i looked back
You: it wasn’t
Stranger: thats the shittiest file type ever
You: it was a
Stranger: im done with you
You: noo baby
Stranger: you crossed a line
You: Transfer me some data
Stranger: you dont deserve my data
Stranger: .flac is too good for you
You: You can plug your network into my usb 2.0 anytime baby
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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EVIL BUBBLE COMING TO GET YOU

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: evil bubble
You: coming to get u
Stranger: f*ck you and the evil bubble
You: f*ck no
You: why the f*ckshould i f*ck myself and the evil bubble
You: huh
Stranger: Cause the evil bubble f*ckin sucks
You: it f*cking doesnt
You: ok
You: f*cker
Stranger: No not ok dickhead
You: fine f*ckface
You: be lame
Stranger: What’s up?
You: nm you?
Stranger: Not much
You: cool..
Stranger: Just chillin
You: yah same
Stranger: Dude f*ck you and that evil bubble what the f*ck
You: why the f*ck are you attacking the evil bubble!?>?! let it f*cking be man
Stranger: No I f*ckin hate the evil bubble
You: why the f*ck do you hate the f*cking evil bubble?!?!
Stranger: Cause it’s f*ckin evil
You: thats what makes it f*cking awesome
Stranger: No the bubble makes it f*ckin awesom the evil makes it gay
You: it does not!! what the f*ck is wrong with you man????? evil bubbles are the shit
Stranger: No f*ck that
You: f*ck you
Stranger: f*ck you nice talking
Stranger: Pce
You: yeah
You: bye

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Oops

Chat submissions were broken. Now they’re fixed. Sorry about that. :)

-JK

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But I’m You!

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: errr… hi?
Stranger: oh my god a stranger! whos this!?!?!
You: I’m not a stranger.. I’m You… you’re the stranger!
Stranger: no!
Stranger: im you!
Stranger: your a stranger!
You: NO! I’m you!
Stranger: no no no!
You: you’re the F*$%ing stranger
Stranger: im you!
Stranger: your stranger!
You: ok ok wait just a second
You: maybe we are both you
Stranger: oh!
You: does this mean you are crazy?
Stranger: i dunno
Stranger: maybe your crazy!
You: but I’m you
Stranger: well im you tho
You: hmmm… I think we are in the wrong place
Stranger: crap
You: if I’m you I should be there
You: and you should be here
Stranger: oh oh oh true!
You: I think there is only one way to fix this
Stranger: how?
You have disconnected.

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Wanna screw?

You: wanna screw?
Stranger: what
You: I got a bag of them
You: big ones, small ones
You: take your pick
Stranger: 3″ phillips
Stranger: with a 5/16″ thread

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Down with the mythicals

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: fhdsagjljfdnffcfhdsaom
You: shit sorry
You: there was an elf on my keyboard
Stranger: I hate it when that happens
You: me too
You: i keep trying to get an exterminator out here but they cant fix the infestation
You: kjghlkfnfjkkldthdfjal;kmjdtlahgklfgl.hfd
Stranger: They breed like rats
You: DAMMIT
Stranger: I hear garlic works.
You: really?
Stranger: Oh wait. That’s vampires.
Stranger: The sparkling confused me.
You: ive tried sugar, fake letters from santa, everthing
You: nothing is working
Stranger: Maybe you can turn it into a good thing
Stranger: Cheap labour?
You: they cant clean, ive tried
You: but maybe, just maybe, i can finally open up the toy shop ive always dreamed of
Stranger: That’d be perfect.
Stranger: Do they have a good work ethic?
You: ehh its ggod, just a few of them are thinkin about a union
You: gotta crush that idea
Stranger: String a few up, keep the rest in order
You: that is a great idea
You: i just hope the oompa loompas dont get ivolved
Stranger: Oh dear. You’d be done then.
Stranger: You might just have to move and leave the house to the elves.
You: ya but i have such a great area
You: cheap cost of living
You: and im close to school and a lake front
Stranger: Oh dear. Do you have to deal with the lake kelpies too?
You: the kelpies are usually quiet this time of year
Stranger: Once, I had a fish pond, and the loch ness monster came in and ate the trout I put in it!
You: ohh no
You: trout nonetheless
You: if it was tuna then it wouldn’t be that bad, but trout?!
Stranger: Trout costs money.
Stranger: Specially since they don’t keep very well in ponds.
You: ya and in this economy you can’t keep wasting the money on replacements
You: i just wish that the mythical creatures would understand
Stranger: They always think they’re above the law
Stranger: Just cause they’re magical
Stranger: We should teach them who’s boss
You: we should
You: the police dont help
You: those mythicals are the first to yell descrimiation
Stranger: Ah, see, the police are run by the werewolves and big foot!
You: a conspiracy in the midst!
Stranger: You wouldn’t believe what Obama actually is!
You: what!
Stranger: White.
You: OMG!
You: i never would of known
Stranger: He hides it well
You: he is a great pretender
You: he’s probably helping the mythicals
You: damn him
Stranger: The whole system man. They’re all mythicals
You: we gotta fight this
You: for humanity and my awesome real estate
Stranger: I can see it
Stranger: Calling out my warcall
Stranger: “For this dude’s awesome real estate!”
You: ya that would be great, but im a chick
You: but other than that, great slogan
Stranger: Chicks can be dudes. Cause dudette just doesn’t sound as cool.
You: good point
You: i am mistaken
Stranger: It’s alright.
Stranger: Happens to me alot too.
Stranger: Tell your friends, tell your family
Stranger: Let the word spread.
Stranger: “Down with the Mythicals”
Stranger: “For the Real Estate”
You: the mythicals will be brought to justice!
You: you are a revolutionary
You: your plight will be in history books!
Stranger: As long as we win.
You: ehh that is true unless the mythicals overrun and they flaunt their victory
You: then your plight will be mocked in future generations
Stranger: Oh yes.
Stranger: They’d paint me as a Bendict Arnold, or a Hitler
Stranger: And we can’t let that happen.
Stranger: Cause I’m a dude. With a couch. And you don’t mess with dudes on couches
You: it is true a dude with a couch is a warrior to trifled with
Stranger: Indeed
Stranger: Especially if they have pizza.
You: pizza and unlimired access to X-Box live
Stranger: Oh yes.
Stranger: That dude can do anything
You: those mythicals wont even now what hit them
Stranger: One day, I’ll just take my medecine, and they’ll all be gone. BUT NOT TILL I’VE WON!
You: THE REBELLION HAS BEGUN!
Stranger: Hazzah!
You: a champion has been decided
You: THE DUDE ON THE COUCH WILL PREVAIL!
Stranger: It’s begun.
Stranger: I’m pumped.
You: bring it on unicorns!!
Stranger: Vampires, you really wanna mess with me?
You: no ghouls, you will beg for mercy!
Stranger: Dragons? The only thing you’ll be roasting are marshmellows when I’m done with you.
You: Keep on beggin Leprechauns, your days of luck are ova!
Stranger: My dear lady, you are my hero.
You: well thank you sir
You: it was an honor
Stranger: It’s been a pleasure to serve with you.
You: as you
You: may our revelution continue
Stranger: The resistance lives! Adieu
You: ciao
You have disconnected.

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A Hopeless Romantic

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: sex chat?
You: you bet.
Stranger: m or f?
You: f
Stranger: m
Stranger: you start :)
You: ok.
You: i’d start by meeting you at the gym. then we’d go out to eat, possibly a seafood restaurant. i’d order the most expensive thing on the menu and you’d be forced to pay for it because i’ve got gigantic t*ts.
Stranger: oooh ill pay for gigantic.
You: then we’d go out and see a movie, where i’d order a giant bucket of popcorn, an extra large drink, and 5 different types of candy bars.
Stranger: a porno? to vet us ready ?
You: no, a romantic comedy.
Stranger: whatever you like baby
You: after that, we’d go back to my place where i’d put on a little bit of mood music.
You: some Slayer, perhaps.
Stranger: i like to f*ck hard
You: once I got done feeding my 2 dogs and my 3 children, I’d call my jealous, ex-con husband to let him know that you and I are together tonight.
Stranger: mmm.
Stranger: let him know your getting f*cked hard.
You: and I am getting f*cked hard….by the GOVERNMENT.
You: you know they want to take even more of my paycheck now?
Stranger: really ?
Stranger: wow thats gay
You: yes it is.
Stranger: dont you just wanna let out your anger ?
You: with tears, yes.
You: I cry into your arms as I scream in anger.
Stranger: i comfort youu baby
You: then I punch you in the stomach.
You: steal your wallet and run out of my apartment.
You: setting the building on fire as I leave.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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