Archive for April, 2010

Crossing the Streams

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: I JUST SUCKED A COCK :D
You: Wow
You: I just got my cock sucked
Stranger: nice
You: Isn’t that funny?
Stranger: want me to suck yours?
Stranger: later on
You: If you can find me
You: Muahahaha
Stranger: also, I am gay
You: OH GOD
You: KILL ME NOW
You: SAVE ME JEBUS
Stranger: cmon baby
You: Sorry I don’t cross streams
Stranger: really
You: I don’t connect the wires
Stranger: just give it a shot
You: I don’t bang the poles
Stranger: you won’t
Stranger: I will just be sucking yours
You: I don’t fiddle with gear shifts
Stranger: I will just be fiddling with yours
You: I don’t like men fiddling with my gear shift
Stranger: It’s not gay if a guy is sucking you
You: No
Stranger: remember that
You: it’s not gay if you close your eyes
You: I don’t have eyes
You: The fucking hills have eyes!
You: They’re always fucking staring at me!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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iron kitten

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: SKANK!
Stranger: i love you.
You: interesting.
Stranger: exactly so
You: mhm.
Stranger: asl?
You: merrits discussion.
You: eh, no.
Stranger: i am ironing a kitten. ur arguement is invalid.
You: kittens need a good ironing every other tuesday.
Stranger: today is tuesday
You: EXACTLY!
Stranger: plus, my bird has a mustache. ur arguement is furthurmore invalid.
Stranger: defenestration for u!!!
You: you must trim the birds mustache, or the bird might flip. and when things flip you the bird, it is never good.
Stranger: well played…well played.
You: trudat.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Omegle hate

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
Stranger: asl?
You: no
You: die
You: I dont mean like, just fall over dead’
Stranger: i will,, just cus u want me to:)
You: I mean, like, fall into a pit of lava’
Stranger: i can do that
You: or maybe a bathtub of hydrochloric acid
You: somthing really horrific
You: maybe a woodchipper
You: feet first
Stranger: r u nuts or sumthin?
Stranger: looooool
You: no I just hate people who ask asl
You: hate is too tame a word
You: maybe, despise?
You: wish ill upon?
Stranger: hahahaha does any of what ure saying making sense?
Stranger: im still here cus im having a good time with this
You: does it not make sense?
You: you asked me the stupidest question in the universe and I am responding in kind
Stranger: hahahahahaha u make me laugh,, thats good :)
You: good think you are laughing
Stranger: so anyways,, what r u doin here?
You: cause if god hears my prayers you will be eaten by a tiger tomorrow
Stranger: hahahahaha
Stranger: God does not hear to people like u
You: that’s the last think you will think when the tiger is eviserating you
Stranger: HAHAHAHAHA youre really funny!
Stranger: im sad youre so bit tho :(
You: bit?
You: you mean bitter?
You: nah I am just really mean spirited
Stranger: yeah,, i can see
You: I really hate people who use two commas
Stranger: jajajajajaja u r sooo strange!
Stranger: ,,,
You: ok screw the tiger
Stranger: please let it be a shark!
You: I am hoping for an aligator bite that gets infected and festers slowly
You: or maybe a deadly snake
Stranger: jajaja youre really spiritual arent u?1
You: no wait
You: I got it
Stranger: tell meee!!!
Stranger: i wanna laugh!
You: a spider that lays eggs inside your brain so the baby spiders eat your brains slowely over the course of months
Stranger: hahahaha aww:) thanks!
Stranger: ur really nice
You: no prob anything for you
Stranger: u a guy or girl?
Stranger: wanna imagine u,,, looooool
You: omfg
You: now I have to up the ante
You: ok, that fish that lodges into your penis when you pee in the water…and you die cause you cant pee anymore
You: that is what I wish happens to you
You: btw take a trip to ecuador sometime soon and piss in rivers
You: it will be awesome
You have disconnected.

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Lets cyber. ;)

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hey.
Stranger: wanna have cyber sex
You: Do you even know what that involves?
You: Like, lots and lots of hard work.
You: And commitment.
You: ARE YOU PREPARED?!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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asshole deer

Stranger: holy shit it’s you
You: been wondering when you’d turn up
Stranger: yeah, seriously
Stranger: been f*ckin’ ages, man
You: remember back in ’98?
Stranger: yeah, man
You: good times.
Stranger: that was crazy
Stranger: That deer was so cute. Not like those asshole deer in New Jersey
You: yeah, pity about that pogo stick, though. RIP deer
Stranger: goddamnit jared
Stranger: goddamnit
disonnect.

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I Really Am Twelve

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Horny?
You:
Stranger: Well?
You: sssuuurrrre….
Stranger: Sex?
You: For one thing… age, sex?
Stranger: No, I was asking what you sex is.
You: One sec.
You: n biology, sex is a process of combining and mixing genetic traits, often resulting in the specialization of organisms into a male or female variety (known as a sex). Sexual reproduction involves combining specialized cells (gametes) to form offspring that inherit traits from both parents. Gametes can be identical in form and function (known as isogametes), but in many cases an asymmetry has evolved such that two sex-specific types of gametes (heterogametes) exist: male gametes are small, motile, and optimized to transport their genetic information over a distance, while female gametes are large, non-motile and contain the nutrients necessary for the early development of the young organism.

An organism’s sex is defined by the gametes it produces: males produce male gametes (spermatozoa, or sperm) while females produce female gametes (ova, or egg cells); individual organisms which produce both male and female gametes are termed hermaphroditic. Frequently, physical differences are associated with the different sexes of an organism; these sexual dimorphisms can reflect the different reproductive pressures the sexes experience.
Stranger: *your
You: Ohh… Female.
Stranger: Ah.
Stranger: I am male.
You: Congradulations.
Stranger: Thank you!
Stranger: Would you like to cyber?
You: How old are you?
Stranger: 16.
You: It’s illegal.
Stranger: How?
You: It violates consent laws.
Stranger: No it doesn’t.
Stranger: It’s typing.
You: So? Does not mean that I am not twelve. You, sir, have cyber-failed.
Stranger: No, because it still doesn’t violate consent laws.
You: There is more than a three year age difference.
Stranger: Once again.
Stranger: It. Is. TYPING.
Stranger: Nothing illegal is happening.
You: If I told you I was going to kill you with a spoon, you could sue me.
Stranger: You’re anonymous.
You: Terristic threatening.
Stranger: That’s impossible.
You: NOT THE POINT!
You: You are still a pedophile.
Stranger: Yes, it’s VERY “the point.”
You: Pedo.
Stranger: Jailbait.
You: What?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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ghandi

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: where should a woman spend more time the kitchen or the bedroom
You: i got randomed to ghandi
You: trick question
You: the laundry
Stranger: lol
Your conversational partner has disconnected

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Soda, Speedos, and Devo

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: hey
You: woah
Stranger: yeah
You: jinx, you owe me a soda
You: HA
Stranger: pfff hahahaha cola
You: Cola is fine
You: so… when you gonna get that to me
You: because I charge interest
Stranger: Probably on december 23, 2012.
You: It’s gonna get to at least three a week if you don’t pay up
You: Then you’re gonna owe me shitloads
You: of soda
Stranger: its not like youre gonna live long enough to drink it.
You: And don’t be an idiot. Nothing will happen on December 21st, 2012
Stranger: everything will happen. Pigs WILL fly.
You: Yeah… doubt that unless you have a fucking genetic laboratory
You: and lots of time to fuck with pig genes
You: or pig/bird crosses
You: which would be weird
Stranger: how hard can genetic splicing truly be?
Stranger: lol
You: Yeah, I guess I’ve played Bioshock before…
You: But then you’d need a fucking underwater city
Stranger: i cant afford that.
You: how the FUCK would you do that?
You: It’s not like no one will notice either
Stranger: that is true.
Stranger: What an interesting conversation.
You: Certainly
You: I will need that Soda
You: Most certainly
You: by the end of the week
Stranger: hmmm. but how will i send it to you?
Stranger: I know not your name.
You: send it to the FUCKING WHITE HOUSE
You: I’ll be there
You: I’ll be the guy wearing a Devo Hat and a speedo
Stranger: hahaha… Devo.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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