Archive for May, 2010

Never Talk to Strangers

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hello :D
You: OMG A STRANGER
You: GET AWAY FROM ME
Stranger: oh no
Stranger: its okay dear
You: I’M SCARED OF STRANGERS AND MY MOMMY TOLD ME NEVER TO TALK TO THEM
Stranger: just breathe and get into the van
Stranger: i have candy
Stranger: dont worry :)
You: NO I WILL NEVER GO…wait, candy?
You: what kind of candy?
Stranger: dont make me put this good smelling handkerchief over your mouth.
Stranger: :)
Stranger: whats your favorite, we have EVERYTHING
Stranger: come look
Stranger: :)
You: everything? =D OKAY.
You: but..wait…mommy said never to get into a van with ANYONE unless I know what’s happening
You: come out here and SHOW me the candy!
Stranger: ah… its in big buckets and they are so heavy
Stranger: your mom doesnt know what she’s talking about.
You: she doesn’t? You mean…she lied to me? But Mommy would NEVER lie to me…
Stranger: she lies to you everyday. she tells you she loves you right?
You: what? MOMMY DOES LOVE ME. SHE DOES.
Stranger: she lies.
Stranger: what a wretched liar.
Stranger: come where there is happiness.
You: but how do you know? do you know my mommy?
Stranger: *creepy music playing a nursery song in the van*
Stranger: oh we used to be the best of friends :D
You: really? So you really know each other?
You: Well, I guess if you know Mommy, you’re not really a stranger…
Stranger: nope :)
Stranger: omegle : talk to mommys friends!
You: *climbs into van* okay, I want some gummy worms, and m&ms, and kitkats, only not too much because mommy says too much will rot my teeth…
Stranger: *closes door quietly*
You: *looks around* wait. Where’s the candy? Why’s the door closed? YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD CANDY!
Stranger: >:)
You: NOOOOOOOOOO
You have disconnected.

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No wonder we’re all dead.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: m/18
You: Are you from the future?
Stranger: sure
You: Wow.
You: Is the cake still a lie?
Stranger: yes… it still is
Stranger: sigh
You: Does it look possible that it won’t be in the near future?
Stranger: the world will end in 2025
Stranger: not 2012
You: How far into the future are you from?
Stranger: 14 years
Stranger: i came here to warn people of the death coming
You: But what about the cake, man?
Stranger: please, go to nasa a fly away from here
You: IS THE CAKE A LIE ON MARS?
Stranger: yes it was all a lie!!
You: NOOO!!!!
Stranger: asl
Stranger: ??
You: looks like there’s no intelligence development in the future.
You have disconnected.

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Smurfmegle

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: smurf convo?
Stranger: absolutely
Stranger: whats up papa smurf
You: im on my smurfing computer right now
You: what about you smurfy?
Stranger: im smurferific
You: im trying to find some of that smurf fetish porn
Stranger: fansmurfic
You: you know the ones with the smurf testicle in the lady’s smurf
You: im a disgusting person for looking at it aren’t i?
Stranger: anything is better than brazilian fart porn.
You: thats smurf to know
You: or chinese puke porn
Stranger: wow. thats intense
You: i’ve seen it
Stranger: just people vomiting on each other?
You: it was smurfing horrible
Stranger: sounds smurfy
You: anyway, last night i was out with smurfette, and we got behind the smurf bar
You: and guess what?
Stranger: huh?
You: she started smurfing me
Stranger: no way
Stranger: right in the smurfing parkinglot?
You: yep
Stranger: what did you do?
Stranger: did you smurf her back?
You: damn right, after my smurf got a bit smurfier…i smurfed all over her face
Stranger: nice.
You: it was smurftastic
Stranger: i believe they call that a blue blaster.
Stranger: way sick.
You: well it speaks for it’s smurf.
Stranger: i like to smurf all over my girl. i saw it in some chinese porn. she loves it.
You: shut the smurf up!
You: really?
Stranger: she always wants somesmurf
Stranger: so i give it to her.
You: that is freaking smurf man
Stranger: bitch loves that chinese stuff
You: anyway i gotta smurf back to my smurfshroom
You: and get some lovely smurfing with smurfette
You: so i guess ill see ya at the smurf tommorow
Stranger: smurf her brains out. serve the smurf
You: cool, thx bro
You: oh and smurfy
Stranger: ya
You: dont ever smurf
Stranger: i won’t bro
You have disconnected.

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The game.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: howdy partner.
Stranger: heyy!
Stranger: whats new?
You: the game.
Stranger: sjdkfhlskjdhfkjsafdfs
Stranger: i hate you
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Role Play

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: im male looking for two females who want to role play a three sum but i will roleplay with just one person
You: there are two females here.
Stranger: oh really
You: yes
Stranger: wanna role play
You: sure
Stranger: how old r u guys
You: we’re both 18.
You: you?
Stranger: im 18 as well
You: nice
Stranger: awsome to what will the sanario b
You: how about you be a professional midget wrestler with a drug problem.
You: and we’ll be a couple of quadriplegic hookers looking to score some meth.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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major pwnage

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hiii
Stranger: whats upp?
You: nothing much i just put liquid paper on a bee
You: it died
Stranger: whats liquid paper?
You: liquid paper?
You: white out
You: correction pen
Stranger: oh
Stranger: why did you do that?
You: because i wanted to recreate step brothers scenes with my self
Stranger: and why do you have a bee
You: why wouldnt i have a bee?
Stranger: but step brothers is a good movie
Stranger: did you just catch a bee?
You: no i actually own a honey making business
You: so i have bees on my farm
You: and i took out one of my hive
Stranger: oh yeah
Stranger: where you fromm
You: i am from australia mateeeeeeee
You: you
Stranger: canada
You: canada eh?
Stranger: isnt it kind of late in australia
You: no its the afternoon
Stranger: oh yea
You: do you eat beavers?
Stranger: yup
Stranger: no! lol
Stranger: they are our native animal
Stranger: i think its illegal
You: i think its illegal to ride in kangaroos pouches but i do it all the time
Stranger: you cant dot hat
Stranger: that*
You: well i do
You: all the time
You: i ride it to school
Stranger: hahahahahah
Stranger: nice try
Stranger: i bet people actually believe you sometimes
You: i actually bet people believe you are not a fifty year old creepy pedophile to!

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one tough bloke

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi, horny male here looking for horny female with msn or yahoo
You: mmmmmm okay ;D
You: i have cam
You: if you like that stuff
Stranger: awesome
Stranger: female?
You: can i show you my chest on cam?
You: and my hot sweet ass?
Stranger: yes please!
You: i just got my bikini line waxed
You: add me on msn baby:
Stranger: whats yur msn
You: one_tough_bloke@hotmail.com
Stranger: wtf?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Lookin’ for a good elf?

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: dont bother yourself, i am male
You: Hey
You: Dang.
Stranger: hey yourelf
You: My elf?
You: It’s in the back.
You: Elves aren’t allowed in the house.
Stranger: come on…. your kidding me
Stranger: i guess i pushed the button
Stranger: :D:D:d
You: Which button?
Stranger: elves story button
You: Yes, you have.
You: Would you like to hear one?
Stranger: actually no
Stranger: :)
You: Are you sure?
You: Elves know a lot of stories.
You: And some of them are quite good.
Stranger: i am kind of horny
Stranger: you knoe…
Stranger: thanks for chat
You: Wait
You: Elves know horny stories.
Stranger: :D:D:D:D
Stranger: shit, what elves doenot know ?
You: Well, they don’t know how to keep their mouths shut,
You: Or how to make a decent cranberry sauce.
Stranger: :D
You: Which is why mine is outside.
Stranger: bye sis
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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