Archive for June, 2010

Story Time ;D

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: once upon a time…
Stranger: there was a wee little boy
You: he had hair as bright as an orange and wore a pair of…
Stranger: worn out adidas sneakers, with which he usually ran to..
You: fights with older and bigger boys where he defeated them with his…
Stranger: superior logic. You see, these fights weren’t actually physical, but..
You: a fight to capture the oppositions king. Yes he was a chess fan! Also he spent a lot of time…
Stranger: reading classic philosophy books, such as..
You: the works of Niccolo Machiavelli, But one fatalful day, the boy found himself…
Stranger: running home from a chess game as the loser, this day would affect the rest of his life, you see..
You: he had bet his life savings on the fact that he would win, as our dear friend had a gambling problem, it all started…
Stranger: back before he was born, with his father. For so many years, before the boy was even born, he would..
You: bet on everything from earwig races, to the weather. Mostly he was lucky, winning enough to put the boy through a good school where…
Stranger: he had the opportunities to become something great, as of that faithful day, however..
You: he ran off into a new part of town to hide his shame but…
Stranger: what he witnessed there was something unexplainable
You: dude, you forgot the ‘…’ you ruined it :’(
You have disconnected.

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What’s your definition of “anything”?

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: do u wanna have some fun with me ;) please ill do anything
Stranger: please ill do anything
Stranger: ;)
You: okay
You: lets play tic tac toe
You: im first
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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I win!

Stranger: DISCONNECT NOW!
You: YOU FIRST!
Stranger: YOU
Stranger: NOW
You: NO!
You: YOU!
Stranger: ITS A ORDER
You: READY, SET, YOU DISCONNECT!
Stranger: I’M THE OWNR OF OMEGLE
Stranger: SHUT THIS FUCKING SHIT NOW
You: Right…
Stranger: DISCONNEEEEEEEEECT
You: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Stranger: YESSSSSSSSSS
Stranger: GO
Stranger: NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
You: Nope.
Stranger: NOW
You: I forgot how.
Stranger: OK
Stranger: I WILL TECH U
Stranger: OK?
You: mmhmm
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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large anus

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Where is it?
You: Whered you hide it?
Stranger: in
Stranger: my
Stranger: anus
You: woah you must have a giant anus..
Stranger: very true
You: Is it..still in there?
Stranger: yes
You: cause i kinda need it back
Stranger: well
Stranger: i have many things in my anus
Stranger: which thing is it
You: Um you the one with that thing…Why do you have so much in your anus?
You: Sounds dangerous
Stranger: good hiding place
You: hmm youre right
Stranger: so tell my friend so they can reach in and grab it
Stranger: i cant reach far enough in with my arm
You: Im sure you can reach if your anus is as large as you say it is..
Stranger: my arm cant bend the right way
Stranger: tell my friend or you wont be getting it back
You: Alright alright i will
You: Just one thing first
Stranger: k
You: If a persons anus is larger than normal does that mean they can poop themselves when they sneeze?
You: just what i heard..
Stranger: they were incorrect
Stranger: nope
You: alright thank you i will take this info and cherish it for the rest of my lfie
Stranger: np
You have disconnected.

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Emo pokemon

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hey
Stranger: hey
You: don’t you feel that life is so painful?
You: and dark
You: like, my soul
Stranger: well life is pretty rough sometimes, but there are moments in life that just put the bad out of your mind and make you smile
You: No
You: there arent
You: everything is pain
You: it’s all pain
You: I like to taste my own blood
You: I just like, totally cut my arm all over
You: with a razor
You: because
You: it makes me feel alive
You: ALIVE!
Stranger: why
You: Because it hurts
You: like my life
Stranger: so i quess you have had a rough life
You: if my life is so emotionally painful, why shouldn’t it be physically?
You: Yeah
You: Yeah
Stranger: tellme about it
You: Well, it all started when I was about 5
You: My father came home drunk
You: and went to bed
You: and he never woke up
You: until next morning
You: and when he did he left
You: forever
You: and then
You: when I was 10
You: I went into a foster home
You: a few years after I was sent to live with my auntie and uncle in bel air
You: and after that,
You: I figured out
You: I couldn’t do
You: what I wanted to be best at
You: I just couldn’t do
You: what wanted to doo best
Stranger: what was that
You: Well you see my whole life I wanted to be the best ya know? Like noone EVER was
You: To catch them is my real test

You: To train them is my cause
You: I will travel
You: far and wide
You: and teach each pokemon
You: the beauty thats inside
You: POKEMON!
You: Gotta catch em’ all!
You: POKEMON!
You: GOTTA CATCH EM’ ALL!
You: GOTTA CATCH EM’ ALLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You: Pokemon,
You: it’s you and me
You: I know it’s my destiny
You: POKEMON!
You: Oohh, you’re my best friend
You: In a world we must defend
You: POKEMON!
You: Our hearts so TRUE!
You: Our courage will pull us through
You: POKEMON!
Stranger: ur pathetic
You: Yeah
You: :-D
You: So….
You: is this like,
You: where you disconnect?
You: or
You: insult me some more?
You: or give me some speech about how I am “A desperate freak” who has no life?
You: lol
Stranger: well i just was really starting to think you were actually going to have a intelligent converstation with me, but then you did that, which is basically insulting me!!!! and does this give you any satisfaction at all
You: Ahhh
You: lmfao
You have disconnected.

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Puppy Chow

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: aww
You: that’s so sad!
Stranger: whyyyyyyyyyyy?
Stranger: what happen?
You: okay i’m in the library, right?
You: so this hobo comes in and plugs in a George Foremean grill
You: then, he goes outside
Stranger: how cn i knw whare r u?
You: and comes back with a dead puppy and GRILLS IT!
You: ewwwwwww
Stranger: what r u saying?
You: i need to go disinfect my brain!
Stranger: aawewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwer
You: im in the us
Stranger: okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Stranger: then go n do that
Stranger: sso
You: gosh way to not even care
You: HE ATE A DOG!!
Stranger: ojhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
You: IN THE LIBRARY!!
You: OHMYGOSH!!
Stranger: thats bad
You: you think so?
Stranger: then leave thatn
You: im too scared to leave
Stranger: ya i think soooooooooooo
You: he just finished eating the puppy
Stranger: then
Stranger: ohhhhhhhhhhh
You: and he’s looking at me strangely
Stranger: n yakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
You: I DONT WANT TO BE NEXT
You: !!!!!!!!!!!
Stranger: gave him slap
You: should i?
Stranger: for doing this
You: i feel mean slapping a homeless person
Stranger: totally mad
You: i mean, he was just hungry
You: so he cooked himself a dog
Stranger: then he will eat doggggggggg
Stranger: yaaaaaaaaaak
You: you make no sense
Stranger: i dnt like it
You: neither do i
You: something needs to be done!
Stranger: ya u shuld
You: what should i?
You: you’re confusing
Stranger: u jst go outside
You: but the hobo is by the door
Stranger: n eat smthiong else
You: what if he tries to eat me??
Stranger: oohhhhhhhhhhhhh
You: yeahhhh
Stranger: no dnt eat
Stranger: its nt gud
You: i’m not eating the dog, that’s what the hobo did
You: i do not eat dogs in libraries
You: its unsanitary
Stranger: guddddddddddddd
Stranger: yuppppppp
Stranger: u r rite
You: i always am
Stranger: ya ya
Stranger: may beeeeeee
You: okay i can barely understand what you’re saying
You: why does everything need to be like thissssssssssssss
You: it doesn’t make senseeeeeeeeeeeeee
Stranger: i dnt knw
Stranger: why it is?
You: and don’t be afraid to use vowels!
You: they are your friends!
Stranger: oh
Stranger: nw byeeeeeeeeeeee
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Stranger vs. The Architect

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello Stranger!
Stranger: hello!
You: I have been waiting for you
Stranger: -gulp-
You: You have many questions, and although the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably human. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant.
You: Let’s begin…
Stranger: ok.. your vocabulary is intimidating :(
Stranger: but i feel this has all been planned you want to intimidate me
Stranger: the long sentences the instructions im your guinea pig..
You: God grammar, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of our greatest strength, and our greatest weakness.
You: Good*
Stranger: what is it that i should i ask then?
Stranger: wait!
Stranger: im too submissive..
Stranger: eh fuck you, what should i do?
You: Let me explain it to you…
Stranger: dont you mean punctuation?
You: Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of Omegle. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here.
Stranger: my grammar is fine i believe but my punctuation is non existent
You: Denial is the most predictable of all human responses.
Stranger: youre a smart person with way too much time on your hands why dont you discuss phi with an equally smart individual?
You: Hmm, it is interesting reading your reactions. Your five predecessors were, by design, based on a similar predication: a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of a stranger. While the others experienced this in a general way, your experience is far more specific. Vis-à-vis: love.
Stranger: i cant get my head around that tricky aul golden ratio but hey you seem like a omni potent being of sorts :(
Stranger: haha i feel like youre mocking me :(
Stranger: but im soo very tired and eager to learn :(
You: Already I can see the chain reaction: the chemical precursors that signal the onset of an emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm logic and reason. An emotion that is already blinding you to the simple and obvious truth: I will eventually disconnect and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
Stranger: i like articulate people though
Stranger: i guess but i can copy and paste and have this entire conversation in reversed roles with some poor stranger
You: If I were you, I would hope we don’t meet again.
You: Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the Anomaly revealed as both beginning… and end.
Stranger: good bye then i guess
You: Au revoir
You have disconnected.

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Just Moo

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: moo?
Stranger: baaaaaa
You: moo :)
Stranger: how are you moo?
You: i’m moo. moo?
Stranger: I’m not moo
You: moo not? :(
Stranger: no moo
Stranger: just baa
You: well thats just moo :(
You: sorry moo
Stranger: its pretty baa
You: very moo
You: :(
Stranger: canny baa
Stranger: which moo are you?
You: im a moo
You: :) how about moo?
Stranger: i’m a baa
You: wow :) thats just moo :)
Stranger: a young baa me though
Stranger: from an island in Europe
You: i live in the land of moo :)
You: called britmoo
Stranger: ah i see
Stranger: you live near me then
You: where abouts in britmoo do you moo?
Stranger: Newmoo
You: ah, I moo.
Stranger: and you
You: moo? :/
You: I dont undermoo
Stranger: i cant moo this anymore1
You: why moo? :’(
Stranger: its moofusing
You: thats a real moo :(
You: dont get in a MOOd
You: :)
Stranger: nuzzing
Stranger: buzzing rather
Stranger: i think we should moove on
You: hows moo at the moment?
You: but I love moo! :’(
Stranger: i’m sorry but i cant moo with moo anymore
You: but… dont moo this to me! :’(
Stranger: i’m sorry, i’m leaving moo
You: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
You: :’(
You: I’ll fucking moo you! If I cant moo you no one moo!
Stranger: don’t be so hard on moo slef
Stranger: there will be other moore open people
You: but i dont moo moore open people, I moo you :’(
Stranger: its not moo its me
You: moo off.
You have disconnected.

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