Batman’s Design

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Stranger: Pants
You: jeans or slacks?
You: i prefer jeans
Stranger: I prefer sweatpants
You: hmmm good point
Stranger: I am ALWAYS prepared to roundhouse kick somebody in the face should the need arise
You: well perhaps i should stay away from you
You: we might not get along too well
You: i believe in world peace
Stranger: I do too.
Stranger: But sometimes violence is the only solution to an imminent threat
You: true, true. i just hope the threat isn’t as imminent as you seem to think it is
You: but way to be prepared
Stranger: Yeah.
Stranger: Well, you never know when some psychopath is waiting around the corner.
You: i took a facebook quiz for that
You: i was an insane psychopath
Stranger: I try and model myself off of batman: I try and be prepared for everything
You: so you might want to watch your back
You: do you have wings?
Stranger: No, just sweatpants.
You: did batman wear sweatpants?
Stranger: Well, batman’s suit is probably really flexible. I mean, it’d have to be for him to do all the ninja-y shit he does
Stranger: It’s probs even BETTER than sweatpants
Stranger: But that’s just cuz he’s rich
You: sweatpants can be kind of dangerous though because they could catch in anything
Stranger: I ain’t got no billion dollar trust fund
You: i bet spandex is better
Stranger: Hmm. Spandex is also more gay.
You: how much spandex do you think you could buy with a billion dollars?
Stranger: Oh quite a bit.
You: yah, that probably explains it
Stranger: But yeah, even if sweatpants can catch in anything, I can just use my telekinesis to un catch them
You: mmm true but i would think it’s not worth the risk
You: i mean, you might need your telekinesis for something else at that moment
You: while the enemy is distracting you
Stranger: Well, my sweatpants are also mad comfy, so they enhance my telekinetic abilities
You: just don’t let this slip to the enemy
You: i wouldn’t be mentioning this on a “talk to strangers” site
Stranger: They might try and catch me with my pants down?
You: do you really trust me that much already?
You: that is true. don’t poop
Stranger: I actually use the reverse digestion technique
You: really. do tell
Stranger: Why yes.
Stranger: You shove the food up your year, and you poop it out your mouth. It greatly reduces the risk of stomach cancer
You: mouth cancer?
Stranger: Dude. You don’t get sphincter cancer from pooping regularly
Stranger: So you obviously wouldn’t get mouth cancer from poop
You: well your mouth isn’t as well-suited to that stage of digestion
You: so it seems that there would be SOME side effects
Stranger: Well, the only one I can see so far
Stranger: Is my ability to spew crap at my enemies
You: oh true
You: genius
Stranger: Also, my ass burps and my mouth farts
You: i actually had not thought of that
Stranger: That’s pretty hardcore
You: definitely is
You: wow you’re taking batman to a whole new level
Stranger: Also, I can vomit out my ass too
You: are there really benefits to that though?
Stranger: I use this ability for vomit-propelled flight
You: it’s harder to aim your butt than your mouth though
Stranger: My ass is more buff than a man’s stomach, so I spew it out with more force, though
You: since you can’t see what you’re doing and thus exposing yourself to the enemy
You: oh are you a woman?
Stranger: No
Stranger: If a were a woman, I’d model myself after batGIRL
Stranger: Sheesh.
You: ok just checking….some women have masculine tendencies
You: maybe you’re bi?
Stranger: You mean trans? Bisexual I thought only referred to sexuality
You: it does. that is what i meant
Stranger: Oh
You: you are a girl who wants to model yourself after a man
Stranger: Well
Stranger: I’m afraid not.
Stranger: Really, I’m a hermaphrodite
Stranger: I have a penis
Stranger: AND I have nipples
You: how many?
Stranger: 2
You: penises?
You: impressive
Stranger: Quite
You: so you’re not a woman after all, i guess
You: doubly so
Stranger: Nope
You: are you half a virgin?
Stranger: Me? What are you smoking? I lost my virginities (both of them) before my dad did!
You: man you have skillz
Stranger: Besides, I’m skilled enough that I can use both at once… at different places
You: talk about threesomes
Stranger: You know it, man
You: masturbation must be pretty awesome too
Stranger: Heck, I can wank one WITH the other
You: so jealous
You: i’m actually a woman
You: and i only have one vagina
Stranger: Oh wow.
Stranger: Haha. Did you know that there’s an actual condition where a dude grows two dicks?
Stranger: It makes the guy impotent :|
You: oh mannn that sucks
Stranger: Luckily, my condition makes me DOUBLE potent :P
You: you truly are a wonder
Stranger: Yeah
Stranger: I’m like Chuck Norris
Stranger: Only better
You: i used to have a penis, but my parents freaked out when i was born and castrated me
You: now i realize how much that sucks because i would have been able to do myself
Stranger: I know, right?!
You: well not like i could do anything
You: i was all of a couple days old
Stranger: Oh well
Stranger: What’s done is done
You: yah
You: wish i could grow it back though
Stranger: Oh, so you don’t have regeneration powers like me?
Stranger: Quite a shame :(
You: nope…i’m pretty much human
You: so why do you ONLY have 2? i’d think you’d have more by now
Stranger: Well, the more I grow, the more split up my power becomes
Stranger: It’s like the multiform technique from dragonball. Splitting it into to lessens my power just enough that I don’t kill people
You: i thought you said it made you doubly potent?
Stranger: Well, it does
Stranger: Killing somebody with potency
Stranger: Isn’t really potent at all
Stranger: is it?
You: well now i’m just confused
Stranger: Life is confusing
You: mine isn’t
Stranger: Well
You: i’ve always found my choices to be very clear
You: do you believe in predestination?
Stranger: Hehe. No
Stranger: Do you?
You: it’s quite comforting. nothing is my fault anymore

an in-depth religious conversation follows at this time.

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