Posts Tagged proper

bond is dead

You: daniel craig sucks
Stranger: Who the hell is Daniel craig?
You: http://www.google.com/#hl=en&source=hp&q=daniel+craig
Stranger: do you have a personal vendetta against daniel craig??
You: i do
Stranger: Why?
You: he killed bond
Stranger: Well, he’s the one before the next great one to come out.
Stranger: Not his fault he has to deal with being a shatty bond
You: he literally killed him. in casino royale he gets poisned and flat lines for a minute
Stranger: But it’s wicked awesome how he comes back.
You: not really
Stranger: What other bond have you seen do that?
You: none
You: because they don’t die
Stranger: True.
You: and they don’t stay all sad and depressed about the same lady for 2 whole movies
Stranger: Very true.
You: yep
Stranger: He’s a pu55y chaser.
You: aren’t they all though
Stranger: They? As in men?
You: as in bond
Stranger: Indeed.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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World Domination!

You: hi
Stranger: Hey.
You: Say something witty! :D
Stranger: my wit is not free.
You: :(
You: how much?
Stranger: you cannot handle the wit.
Stranger: its like a mike tyson punch to the brain.
You: I totally can >:D
You: Oh…crap
You: maybe I can’t….
You: hmmm
You: Well this is awkward.
Stranger: lol.
Stranger: You…
You: What should we speak of now”? xD
Stranger: say something stupid.
You: OH That IS my FORTE good sir
You: Ducks can’t fly.
Stranger: I would have also accepted “Dog’s can’t look up”
You: Really?
You: Why not?
Stranger: Yeah.
Stranger: its the way their spines are formed.
Stranger: anyway… they have no aerial predators.
You: Holy crap you have got to be kidding me.
You: I cant believe I was living my life not knowing this.
You: T_T
Stranger: venture forth, citizen!
Stranger: glory in your new knowledge.
You: :D I shall spread it to the world!
Stranger: wallow in it like a pig… a thought pig.
You: Much like herpes
You: xD
Stranger: yes… I should probably tell you that knowledge does come with occasional cold sores.
You: Oh fudge D:
You: hmm…
You: well you do know how to cure a cold sore don’t you?
Stranger: flamethrower?
You: :D Amazing! It’s like you’re psychic!
Stranger: I am.
Stranger: I’m controlling everything you do.
You: :0
Stranger: I’m a mad puppeteer.
You: for reals?
Stranger: I’m just on Omegle cause i’m bored.
Stranger: yeah…
You: I KNEW there was some reason I bought that ugly shirt today
Stranger: controling everything a person does is quite tedius.
Stranger: tedious.
You: :( WHen you control me could you plz give me some fashion sense?
Stranger: Ok. You have sort of looked like an autistic 9 year old recently.
Stranger: I mean… Gold Lamee… really?
You: :D
You: But… i liked my shiny sweatpants :(
Stranger: No more.
Stranger: from now on I will groom you into becoming the worlds FINEST SUPERVILLAN!!!
You: :D oh goodie!
Stranger: sharpen your rapier wit, my friend…
Stranger: we’re going hunting!
You: :)
You: for knowledge?
Stranger: First step… see that baby.
Stranger: STEAL ITS CANDY!
You: that ugly one with barf on its face?
Stranger: FOR EVIL!
You: But… what if it barfed on the candy?
You: :(
Stranger: the candy is not for you to eat.
Stranger: it is for you to steal.
Stranger: to deprive the innocent of luxury.
You: OH! Okay that makes sense..
Stranger: Everyone in the world is like that baby.
Stranger: uncoordinated…
Stranger: ignorant…
You: :0
Stranger: and weak.
You: Oh my.
You: Except you right master?
Stranger: TAKE what you want.
Stranger: oh, no… especially me…
Stranger: I’m locked in this wheelchair.
Stranger: On a prison planet.
You: D:
You: I shall break you out!
Stranger: I was like you once…
Stranger: I was naive and free.
Stranger: but I hesitated.
Stranger: I showed them mercy.
Stranger: NEVER AGAIN!
You: So mercy is bad?
Stranger: I will train you to crush them, with your steely fists.
You: yay :)
Stranger: only use mercy to get what you want…
You: what do I want?
Stranger: to crush the spirit.
You: >:)
Stranger: kittens… all the kittens in the world.
Stranger: you will implant them with robotic eyes…
Stranger: and LASERS!
Stranger: Phase one.
Stranger: they will laugh at you , oh YES!
Stranger: but you will laugh last.
You: Ah! And what will the kittens be used for?
Stranger: PHASE TWO you imbecile!
You: Sorry T_T
You: er.. what was phase 2 again?
Stranger: a complicated financial stratagem involving cocoa futures and certain derivatives of which you are unworthy of knowing.
You: Oh my :0
You: I think my small brain is about to esplode
Stranger: Phase 3?
Stranger: You will build a time machine.
Stranger: Using the cybernetic kittens to battle the Time rats, you will travel back and sabotage certain crops with a genetically engineeered SUPERmold.
You: :0
You: oh….
You: This plan makes perfect sense!
You: I must go prepare, master.
You: Be lurking on Omeglechats.com for this :)
You: I’m going to title it “World Domination!”
You have disconnected.

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“He disconnected!” I grumbled

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label ‘Stranger:’. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: “Hello.”
Stranger: do you love me ?
You: “Quite frankly, I do.”
Stranger: wow lets qet married :)
You: “I believe marriage is for the commoners,” I murmured softly. “But if you insist, I will do as you please.”
Stranger: qet fvcked !!!
Stranger: jokes i love you
You: “With whom, I ask?”
Stranger: with me
You: “Your jokes have not yet let a mere giggle slip from my lips. But they are much appreciated.” I said sternly, with a bit of a smirk.
Stranger: MOTHER FUKER GET FUKCED….I WANNA FUK A DOGS ASS
You: “I have a dog in stock just for you, my dear,” I stated in astonishment. “But first you must inquire about this to my Lord.”
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Slutty Punctuation

You: Hello!
Stranger: prepy today are we
You: I don’t really know where that exclamation point came from…
Stranger: loads the gun
Stranger: lol
You: Seriously. I’m tired. That exclamation point is wholly inappropriate in this situation.
Stranger: did you just call yourself a whore??
You: How on earth did you get “whore” from that statement?
Stranger: “inappropriate in this situation.” that applies to a whore in any situation
You: If that’s what I meant by “inappropriate in this situation” I’d be referring to the exclamation point.
Stranger: so that exclamation point is a whore???
You: Which, I guess is true, seeing how it inappropriately whored itself out to my “Hello.”
You: Bad exclamation point!
Stranger: that dirty little slut lol
You: It’s pimp is going to have to give it a stern talking to!
You: Oh, wait.
You: Pimps are for prostitutes, not whores.
Stranger: lol yeah. its parents need to ground it
You: So it’s an underage punctuation slut!
You: The NERVE!
Stranger: Its going to overdose on crack
You: “If only we’d been there for her more!” her upper-middle class mother will sob at the funeral.
Stranger: and the drunken uncle can only laugh
You: Because he was her dealer.
Stranger: lol he made a good profit
You: “She certainly didn’t get it from MY side of the family!” her father will say.
You: It’s parents will divorce soon after, each blaming the other.
Stranger: lol ironically because she was adopted from the hilton family
You: Haha!
Stranger: thats hot
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Self defence

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: if i was in ur room on ur bed right now wat would u do
You: I’d bludgeon you to death under the Castle law.
You: Which deals with self defence under home intrusions.
You: And you?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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A Stimulating Conversation with Two Chaps

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: HOWDY
You: GUESS WAHT
Stranger: WOAH!
Stranger: What?! :O
You: MY NAME
You: IS
You: NOT YOUR CONCERN
You: UNLESS
You: MY GOOD SIR
Stranger: Unless?
You: WE HAVE
Stranger: Have what good sir?
You: A STIMULATING CONVERSATION.
You: Do you accept?!
Stranger: I am prepared to offer forth a stimulating conversation with you. Under two conditions only.
You: And what might they be!?
Stranger: The first, you don’t “type lik dis”.
You: Of course. Do you believe I would?
You: Nay! I shant!
Stranger: The second and this is the important one, at no time you ask me to give you an “ASL”. If it comes up in conversation that is quite alright however.
You: I see.
You: These are quite extreme conditions.
You: But I will follow them throughly!
Stranger: They are indeed, but like you I am looking for conversation that is enjoyable and interesting.
You: I believe you’ve found one, my good sir.
Stranger: I am very pleased, for at this point in time I was under the impression that only the younger minority (The minority being 12-16 year olds) used this website.
You: Ho ho! And what a silly impression that was. For I am timeless!
Stranger: Grand news sir! Stay a while, and listen!
You: I shall! For what do you have to offer to my hearing canals?
Stranger: A tale sir, of a man who while normally cautious with his money has thrown caution to the wind and now eagerly awaits the day of Friday when he shall once again have money available for his guilty pleasures, gaming and movies.
You: Oh, deary! This sounds like a grand story indeed!
Stranger: Recently, the grand creation that is the Steam Store had quite a set of sales! Spanning the time of several days! Of these sales many a game were priced down by as much as 80%. The man, Steve, was drawn in by the sales and found himself buying many a game!
Stranger: He was so amazed with the sales that he also began to purchase many games that he would later gift to his friends. This man now has no more than fifteen dollars but no less than ten dollars.
Stranger: That is my tale.
You: Ohh, silly little Steve! Did he not realize that when said game sales dropped, he would be put in such a lethal situation?
You: I see!
You: And what games, did Sir Steve inquire upon?
Stranger: Yes, I am certain he was aware. But his need to have these games in his library while they were so cheap could not be stopped. He is also very much a man of generosity. Thus he could not help but buy games for his friends as well.
Stranger: Sir Steve purchased:
Stranger: Half Life 2, Torchlight, Beat Hazard, Mount and Blade: Warband, Oddworld: Abes Oddysee/Exodus, Bad Rats, The Bionic Commando Pack, and Counter Strike: Source.
You: Oh goodness me! I have never heard of such games!
You: I am so flustered, I seem to have misplaced my monacle.
Stranger: It does happen to the best of us chap. In moments such as these it is possible to lose ones self in excitement and misplace your monacle.
You: Oh yes it is. But I am specifically curious about such game as “The Bionic Commando Pack”. Does this game have bionical men running around commando, with their willies hanging out for the world to see?
You: Because if it does, I would frequently find myself saying to the makers of such game, “Dear god, boy! What have you done? Put some trousers on that young chap, and a monacle while you’re at it!”
You: It would indeed be many an awkward situation.
You: Oh, I must be going. My dear friend Roderick has seemed to have dropped trou in the middle of the hobblestone path, and is scaring the neighborhood scallywags and hussies. I shall bid you adou.
You: Good night, kind chap.
Stranger: Good night dear sir. It has been my pleasure.
You: And mine as well!

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Spellcheck

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: heyy
You: I think it’s spelt hey.
Stranger: u dere
You: I think it’s spelt there.
Stranger: whats upp
You: I think it’s spelt what’s up?
Stranger: f u
You: i think it’s spelt f/ck you.
Stranger: miss perfect
You: I think it’s spelt Mr Perfect.
Stranger: nerd.
You: That’s better.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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A Gentleman’s Chatter!

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hummmmmmmm…..
Stranger: Disregard females, acquire currency.
You: but then what to do with vast amounts of currency with no female to lich?
Stranger: Spend it on automobiles.
You: But the whole point of luxury automobiles is to impress females at the very least! What would be the purpose if i am disregarding them!
Stranger: Purchase more females from the brothel in the alley.
You: I think, sir, your philosophy is flawed
You: since i am disregarding females, why would i buy some in a brothel!
Stranger: No good sir, my philosophy has been proven by Sir Fifty Pence.
You: that puts the idea of disregarding females and makes it null
Stranger: You beat them, good sir.
You: I do admia sir, your vast amounts of currency however!
Stranger: Why thank you good man. I admire your intelligence.
You: I dare say, when did you speak to that bloat Sir Fifty Pence?
Stranger: Just last Thursday.
You: I was told he was not among our……social circle!
Stranger: At dawn. In the respectable town of Brooklyn.
You: He only has fifty pieces my good man, that is bad company!
You: I no longer aquantaince with him
Stranger: Why, he earns quite a fair amount of currency. Handsome, if I do say.
Stranger: See, I just paid him currency the Thursday hence.
You: Well then, I believe i’ve been swayed from the rightful sight of ‘im!
Stranger: He in return, bestowed upon me some good cocaine.
You: Ah yes, the good powda! Let none of those blokes so called “city guards” catch you with it though sir!
Stranger: Oh, of course not. I say, look at what happened to that Dwayne Carter Jr.
Stranger: I say, I heard that he now goes by Little Wayne in prison. How unfortunate for him.
You: Oh a shame that was!
Stranger: T’was, t’was.
You: Such a nice fellow he once was!
Stranger: Ah, I do say so.
You: I think he makes what low lifers would call “music”. Bah! What poverty does to the minds!
Stranger: Not just music, but some called wrapping. Wrapping what, I ask?
You: My thoughts exactly!
Stranger: Bahah, we shall never sink to that level of society’s depths.
You: Too low to even imagine!
Stranger: Not as long as we have our females and cocaine!
You: Although you did once live by that flawed philosophy of disregarding them my friend!
Stranger: I know, I know. A Past that haunts me to this very day.
Stranger: Oh good Lord of all that is Holy, forgive me for my wrongdoings.
You: I think sir he will , he will!
Stranger: Oh, but will he? Will he?
You: Oh my, give me thirty three seconds my good man, my monicle seems to have some condensation over its lens!
Stranger: Yes of course my good sir.
Stranger: Judging by my sterling silver pocketwatch, I do believe it has been exactly thirty-three seconds.
You: Ah yes excellent! Brand new and sparkling! Just like the emerald and diamond frames seats we are sitting on!
Stranger: Oh yes, only the finest for us gentlemen.
You: I demand nothing more!
You: well, excuse me, i meant less
You: Nothing less!
Stranger: Now where is that blasted Mary Elizabeth? I let it be known that I wanted her in the pantry to make me some meat and potatoes.
Stranger: Wives … they never do listen, do they sir?
You: Excuse me my friend but I need to be a little ungentleman like and a tad foward with this question, may I ask it sir?
Stranger: Why of course, good sir.
You: Would she be making a cup of tea along with those delicious meat and potatoes? I need to calm my appetite for such delicacies you see
Stranger: Why only the best tea that India has to offer. I do say, it is just splendid.
You: Oh my, ’tis quite impressive china set you have there sir!
Stranger: Thank the heavens for the East India Trading Company.
Stranger: But damn those blasted pirates.
You: Damn those barbarians!
You: Do they have no regard for our wealth!?
Stranger: Just last Thursday hence, one almost pludered my very home!
Stranger: If not for my quick thinking and disarming good looks.
You: I say sir, you must shoot me with my Golden Gentleman’s Revolver if i ever have to downgrade form these gem-fitted chairs into some, ……….hurst to say it……..SILVER chairs!
Stranger: NO! Do not even fathom the prospect!
You: I will never mention the word again!
Stranger: Why those blasted, filthy rats and their bloody wenches. Look what they have done to us, what horrible things they drive our minds to believe.
You: Insanity!
Stranger: And poor Commodore Norrington … how far mighty men have fallen. No associating with the bloody pirates.
You: Ah yes
Stranger: Oh dear, I meant now associating. I do apologize.
You: I was about to correct you on that sir, but your quick wits impress the highest ranking monarch!
Stranger: And that Elizabeth Swann. Such a promising young lady. Now reduced to nothing more than dirt on the show of society.
You: I applaud you sir!
Stranger: Why thank you sir.
Stranger: Shoe of society. My, my.
Stranger: I am making quite the error this evening.
You: Ah sir, but don’t take it to heart! You are in the company of friends!
Stranger: Why yes I am. Friends, women, and of course, cocaine!
You: The powda!
Stranger: Excuse me while I injest just a little … I shall be about twenty-one seconds.
You: I shall be hea’!
Stranger: Now to raise a glass of brandy. Cheers my good sir!
You: Cheers!
You: My, excellent choice sir!
Stranger: To drink ourselves to death, as we are dressed in our finest and prepared to go as gentlemen!
You: Tasteful to the very last drop!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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