THe Legend of the Russian


You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: marry me?
You: Sure
You: As long as you don’t have a problem with the whole “Ghost” thing
Stranger: huh?
You: Yeah, I’m haunted by a leprachaun ghost because I pissed on sacred shamrocks or something, no big deal
You: so when’s the wedding?
Stranger: tommorow?
You: Can’t do tomorrow, alligator wrestling
Stranger: no way me too
Stranger: wait…
Stranger: where are you from?
You: Kentucky, Russia
You: you?
Stranger: …Kentucky USA
You: Damn that’s only the entire world away!
Stranger: how is it in russia?
You: Very errr Russian
You: There’s bears everywhere and we drink vodka and wear ukanashkas
Stranger: i like vodja
Stranger: *vodka
Stranger: not so much the bears though
Stranger: and wtf is a ukanashka
You: Well I’ve got four bears who like vodka, maybe you guys can share when you’re my wife?
You: Ukanashkas are furry hats that you have to legally wear at all times here
Stranger: ohh. i like furry hats
You: I’ve got to warn you though, they stay furry because we usually keep the animal alive and put it on our heads
Stranger: dude no way. ive done that with a cat before
You: I’ve eaten a cat before
Stranger: me too…they told me it was pepperoni..but it was even better
You: What is pepperoni?
Stranger: its like hot saugage/ salami that it very good in pizza
You: Soviet Russia you are very good to pizza
Stranger: so…do you need to wear the furry hats in the shower?
You: Shower?
Stranger: its like a big penis that spews boiling water on you
You: Oh! THAT shower!
You: In Russia we do not have these, but I have heard of them
Stranger: how are the women there?
You: Large, hairy, and strong; good for pulling plows across my turnip field when the bears cannot
You: This is why I am marrying you
Stranger: eh your women sound like my ex girlfriend
You: WAIT
You: Are you a lesbian or man?!
Stranger: lmao im a man…
You: Are you large, smelly, and have muscles the size of rocks?
Stranger: nah, im medium sized, hairy, smell like yogurt, and my mucles are the size of an 11 year old girls
You: Meh
You: Still better then women here
Stranger: i have hair down to my ass though
You: I won’t use you for sex, just to breast feed the bear cubs I’ve got
Stranger: sounds like fun…i like my nipples bitten
You: Oh…ummm wel…..
You: I think I hear that Leprachaun coming…..
You: Soooo……
Stranger: give it a beer
Stranger: …forgot to tell you im irish
You: This is getting worse and worse
Stranger: im tellin you…give an irishman a beer and he will be content. even ghosts
You: I think I’ll just use my demon banishing spellbook
You: (intelligence +5)
Stranger: *high five*
You: *Warily backs off*
Stranger: whos gay
Your conversational partner has disconnected

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