The Theif With A Scarf-Wearing Panda


You: HELLO!
Stranger: Hi there!
You: CHICKEN!
Stranger: Narwhal?
You: in the corner?
Stranger: Around the edges.
You: hmmm thos damn corner narwhals.
Stranger: Indeed.
You: if you don’t mind me asking, how many pickles?
Stranger: 18.
You: i see
You: it was my knowledge there where 20…
Stranger: I’ve lost a couple.
Stranger: Sorry.
You: i refuse. there must be a theif!
Stranger: Oh right. I lost them to a theif.
Stranger: thief, too.
You: right
You: this thief is spelled theif though
Stranger: Because he’s Muslin?
Stranger: Muslim* even.
You: we must find this theif and the pickles
You: this Muslim theif
Stranger: Well, there are some leads.
Stranger: We know, for example, that he enjoyed Majora’s Mask.
You: really? good job jeevs.
Stranger: Over here sir.
You: we shall begin the quest!
You: what? oh sorry i’m quite blind
Stranger: It’s quite alright.
Stranger: OVER HERE SIR!
You: FOUND YOU!
Stranger: No sir! I mean a clue this time.
You: ahhhh so the theif left his panda under the table…
Stranger: And look at this scarf on it.
Stranger: It says…
Stranger: “GOD DAMN PANDERING BUSHES”
Stranger: I wonder what it means, sir?
You: God damn indeed.
You: well its a good thing the panda can talk
Stranger: That is especially convenient, given the panda’s general inability to speak as a species.
You: elmentary.
Stranger: Exactly my dear.
Stranger: I mean, sir!
You: it says the Muslim is in the bookcase!
You: its okay honey!
Stranger: Which book case?
You: i mean jeevs!
You: the one with the yogurt on it!
Stranger: But that tunnel is much to perilous.
Stranger: Sometimes there’s oral sex. Overall, much too much peril!
You: we have to take the chance
You: the panda goes first
Stranger: He’s eating the yogurt.
Stranger: Fuck.
You: damn panda.
Stranger: Now which one is the one with the yogurt on it?
You: the one with the perilous oral sex
You: well
Stranger: Oh right!
Stranger: Well, should I take one for the team?
You: it’s okay, they got the panda
You: ONWARD!
Stranger: Ah. Damn.
Stranger: Yes coming!
You: its okay the panda was a traitor
Stranger: Perhaps we should wait for the panda, to, err, come also?
You: eating yogurt that wasn’t his
You: fine… but only because of his scarf
Stranger: It’s in good aesthetic taste!
Stranger: Looks like he’s finished now.
You: i found the Muslim theif!
Stranger: Oh my!
You: or thief either way
Stranger: Wait a minute, that’s no Muslim Theif.
You: what is it?
Stranger: That’s a rock-outcropping conveniently shaped like a Muslim Theif.
Stranger: Or perhaps it’s a mask!
Stranger: I’m much too afraid to take it off.
You: GASP!
You: i will.
Stranger: I’ll stand over here.
You: it isn’t the theif, ITS THE PICKLES!
Stranger: But look inside the pickles!!!
Stranger: The theif!
You: OH MY!
You: its okay the panda ate him.
Stranger: Understandable. He was pickled.
Stranger: Probably delectable.
You: mmmm i’m hungry now
You: good work Jeevs
Stranger: That’s what the panda is for, is it not?
You: of course
You: what else would eat Muslim theifs?
Stranger: His traitorous ways must not be left unpunished…
You: :O
Stranger: Broiled or baked, sir?
You: baked. i’m on a diet
Stranger: Ahh, I’ll trim the fat then.
Stranger: All done. Thank heavens for this new instant-bake oven.
You: indeed.
You: we should go our seperate ways
You: till next time, Jeevs!
Stranger: After all, we are both male.

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