Cat Killed By Gardening Shears


You: HU NGH,.
Stranger: ?
You: K,LI/KJGK. . JKGL,K CFUM ,ET6UJRY7UKI. HUMUS. HOI;LAGJA;OIBHBJ’S
Stranger: hun, idk whatchu sayin :’)
You: THEN YOU WILL NEVER BE WITH ME.
Stranger: D:
You: I WISH I WERE A COMPUTER..
Stranger: why? :3
You: ONE TIME MY NEIGHBIR KILLED MY CAT WITH GARDENING SHEARS. I NEVER RECOVERED FROM THIS TRAU.MATIZING EXPERIENCE

Stranger: OMG! ARE YOU SERIOUS?
You: NO.
Stranger: oh..
You: BUT THE CAT DID DIE THAT WAY. NOT MY NEIGHBOR.
Stranger: oh..
Stranger: hey, why you talkin in all caps btw?
You: I’M FUCKING CRAZY. THIS’S HOW I TALK.
Stranger: ohh
You: THAT ONE DAY WHEN MY CAT REALIZED HOW ANGRY I COULD GET.. I WANT HIS FORGIVENESS.. IT’S TOO LATE NOW.
Stranger: D: Like Edgar Allen Poe? o;
You: THE NERD NEXT TO ME IS FLIPPING OUT AT THAT REFERENCE. HE’S EMOTIONALLY INSTABLE AS WELL.
Stranger: oh gosh, I’m sorry. Want me to go?
You: NEVER. NEVER LEAVE ME. WHAT’S YOUR NAME?
Stranger: Ash
You: EVERY NIGHT MY FRIEND AND I, JOSHUA, HAVE THIS RITUAL..
Stranger: what ritual?
You: YOU WANT TO KNOW? REALLY?
Stranger: idk…
You: ANSWER ME.
Stranger: sure…
You: EVERY 38 DAYS AND 4 HOURS AND 7 MINUTES AND 36 SECONDS WE FIND AND KILL A MAN WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH THE LETTER A. WE NEED HIS FLESH TO MAKE LAMPS. SOMETIMES CURTAINS.
Stranger: oh gosh, good thing I’m a girl.
You: STRANGE.
Stranger: strange?
Stranger: how so?
You: WE COULD USE A FEW FEMALES.. YOU KNOW, TO GET THE NECROPHILIAC SEXES ON. JOSH NEEDS IT.
Stranger: Ummmmmm
You: WHERE’D YOU SAY YOU LIVED AGAIN?
Stranger: Australia.
You: THAT’S NOT TOO FAR.
Stranger: Good.
You: WHAT ARE YOUR OPINIONS ON SLAUGHTER HOUSES AND SHEDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FORESTS.. SO FAR.. SO NO ONE CAN HEAR SCREAMS?
Stranger: they’re cool
You: DO YOU HAVE A TWIN BY ANY CHANCE?
You: ONE WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH AN A?
Stranger: nope
You: DARN.
Stranger: sorry
You: MY FRIEND DEREK, HE HAS THIS WEIRD EYE PROBLEM.
Stranger: oh yea?
You: YEAH. HIS HEART BEAT. IT WAS SO LOUD. WAS.
Stranger: ..oh
You: I HAD TO STOP IT. SOMETIMES I THINK MY LIFE HAS ALREADY BEEN WRITTEN OUT FOR ME.
Stranger: oh
You: OH. I FEEL LIKE WE COULD GET CLOSE. SO CLOSE.
You: so close.
Stranger: how close.
You: I CAN’T BE ANGRY WITH YOU ANYMORE. Do you think I could hold your eyes?
Stranger: Um idk
You: Or, maybe, use your skin. I bet it’s so beautiful.
Stranger: thanks
You: Thinking about your skin.
Stranger: okay
You: makes me want to cry.
Stranger: I’m sorry.
You: You float like a feather.
Stranger: I do?
You: in a beautiful world.
Stranger: that’s beautiful
You: I wish I was special.
Stranger: I’m sorry :[
You: You’re so fuckin’ special.
Stranger: um thank you
You: but I’m a creep..
Stranger: you are?
You: I’m a weirdo.
Stranger: I’m weird. :3
You: What the hell am I doing here?
Stranger: I don’t know?
You: I don’t belong here.
Stranger: why not?
You: I don’t care if it hurts.
Stranger: ?
You: I wanna have control.
Stranger: Okay..
You: I wanna have a perfect body.
Stranger: Doesn’t everyone want that?
You: I wanna have a perfect soul..
You: I want you to notice
You: when I’m not around.
You: You’re so fuckin’ special.
You: I wish i was special.
Stranger: Okay
You: I wonder what Josh would do. if he were here..
Stranger: What do you mean?
You: I kinda miss him.
Stranger: Im sorry
You: Poor thing. He went into my kitchen.
Stranger: What??
You: He came back with his own speghetti.
You: I guess you could call it speghetti.
Stranger: oh.
You: You see, during our rituals we usually eat the intestines of our donors. We ran out of A’s, so Josh did the only honorable thing.
Stranger: oh… :/
You: Derek was actually the next one on the list but you know, Josh doesn’t know the alphabet. You can see the irony in this situation..
Stranger: oh…
You: I come to bury him, not to praise him.
Stranger: You’re scaring me.
You: The evil men do lives after them. The good oft interred with their bones.
Stranger: ….
You: So let it be with him. The noble Brutus said he was ambitious. If it were so, it was a grievous fault, and grievously hath he answered it.
Stranger: Um. I have to go…
You: KIDDING.
Stranger: What?
You: I’ve just been using random references this entire time.
Stranger: Omg, I didn’t believer you at first and then I just got creeped out
Stranger: *believe
You: You deserve an award for staying on this long.
Stranger: thanks ;D
You: I was worried worried you were going to leave me.

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